Reasons Not To

At the moment, I have a new reason not to cut. And that new reason is that I am so scared of starting over from the beginning...I mean, it's been a month, and I can say now "It's been a month since I last cut" and the idea that if I cut I'd have to go back to "It's been an hour since I last cut"...ugh it scares me.

Good for you, tamzin!

I've been about a month without reaching for something to hurt myself with too.
My reason for not - it shows me that I have some strength in me still that I can resist the urge. Dunno if that makes sense to anyone else.

Caroline

It makes sense to me. Resisting when you want to hurt yourself shows more strength, and develops more strength. The more you resist, the healthier you will be and the more able to find better solutions to what is bothering you.

my reason : vanity lol.
i want to go swimming this summer.. i want to show my legs and i want to look like a woman, not a mess of scars.
i havent SI'ed in over a week, so theres a start

~M

I was just about to post here when I went back, reread kendalika's post and realised it was almost identical to what I had written. So just to re-emphasise some of what (she) said:-
* it's addicting. Even if you stop for a time, you may not have overcome it
* the scars don't go away. That is a HUGE prob for me; I am really self-concious and totally embarrassed of them
* your kids will be confused (mine aren't yet, although they have seen all my scars and no2 has to watch as they are dressed and treated when necessary)
* your marriage could end (well, mine just has with my husband citing that my SIing is too much for him- totally NOT the reason we have split but degrading and humiliating for me)
* it is much harder to date with scars that are hard to hide (a fear that looks like it may well come true)
* and for me, now I don't even feel the physical pain (considering I do it to 'feel' the emotional pain it kinda makes the whole process pointless!). I just dissociate, without trying or meaning to, when I SI so I often don't realise I have hurt myself til afterwards and in my latest instance I have needed stitches and now for 'it' to be dressed every 2nd day due to the deepness and infection (I did it 3 weeks ago; the only memory I have of it is the horrible flashbacks when I was at the deepest point)
I don't ever want to see anyone else doing this to themselves, much less my chn, and I wish they didn't have to see the reality of it every day. One day I will break this awful addiction, I just wish I could today...

because feeling good for a little bit is not worth a lifetime of scars and lies that accompany them.

1. It makes me feel worse than I already feel
2. It scares the people who really care about me
3. It scares ME, because it makes me realize what I'm capable of. If I'm capable of SI...
4. Its messy if you cut deep, and it can leave a scar

I know this thread is old, but I've been gone a long time

I wrote these reasons not to si a long time ago, when I was trying to convince myself I wanted to quit.

I know that many of these reasons are hard to believe or internalize, but I hope this lists helps someone. Take it one day at a time...

It brings as many bad feelings as it chases away

You have hurt enough

Protecting the child inside you, who is already wounded

Self-injury makes relationships with others harder: it isolates you, may make you feel ashamed and/or feel the need to be secretive or push others away

You need to be able to experience your feelings in order to learn to cope effectively, and recover

Feeling worse about yourself after you're past the si incident

You do not need to have cuts or scars to prove it: your pain IS REAL

You do not deserve to be punished

You have a right to your feelings, and you have been denied that right for too long already

Avoiding si can help you learn to feel safe with yourself. You deserve to feel safe

You can rely on your higher power, whatever/whoever that may be to love and protect you. And you will feel that security and safety even more when you are not being self-destructive

Self-injury is a "quick-fix" that really doesn't fix the problem, only distracts from it temporarily

Real healing is possible for you, even though sometimes that is hard to believe

Why because it can cut veins which are made of a thick collegian coating and there is only so much collegian in your body and collegian also helps fight off fat and keep muscle.

Why I never want to do it again - (maybe I won't)

1) Dignity - When I SI I attack my own dignity and make myself feel worse and less worthy (of love and attention, which everyone deserves)

2) Self-respect - Losing respect for myself and my inability to stop would destroy whatever shred of self-esteem I have left

3) Questionning - Hiding scars from people is hard (I use a manual wheelchair and I have to push up my sleeves to wheel places so they don't get dirty - This is how a few of my friends found out about my SIng)

4) Love - How can I say I love myself when I physically attack myself? I have problems with trying to love myself already, why do I want to make it harder for me?

So this is my small list of why I have to continue to fight to not return to self-injuring.

Hope it works.

I haven't SI d since Aug 8th 2004. I now have a couple of personal reasons not to SI that I wanted to share.

Reason #1: I have my family back. My wife could see that I was getting better and asked me to re-marry her. My four kids have been happier over the last five months than I have ever know them to be. Their mom and dad are together again.

Reason #2: I don't want to lose my family again. I understand that I might someday slip, but I no longer feel the emptiness that lead me to SI in the past.

Reason #3: I want to continue to be the father I've been since I've stopped acting out.

Reason #4: I don't hate myself anymore. If I don't SI I won't hate myself again.

Reason #5: I have enough scars. I don't need anymore.

Reason #6: I don't want to be sorry for cutting myself, driving me to cut again and again.

Reason #7: I'm happy.

BECAUE I WANT TO GET OUT of the bad feeling and NOT to make it worse
let`s admit-it`s OUR CHOICE!
our concious choice to do so!

so it depends on us more than we sometime sthink..you know,,, when you feel"i can`t take it" and do it....
we know it is veru addictive and that we can`t

we should really DECIDE we want a way OUT
untill we don`t decide we just sit there, burried in our self pitty and hurt ourselves.

i hope my post doesn`t look judgmnetal and nlunt-it may be somewhat blunt but that is waht i strongly believe in...

i know there are VERY hard cases when people lose control over themselves.
i personally recomend to all the guys who do it over and again to go find a good psychologist.

peace!

I like this idea. I am glad you thought of it. Some of my reasons to list.

I don't want my daughter asking about boo boos on my body.

I want to become a therapist to help others who SI and I can't preach what I dont do myself.

I am a wonderful caring individual who deservers respect from others as well as myself. (Not sure I typed what I mean)

My husband loves me and he deserves to not have to constantly worry about me.

Have not SI in sooo long and want to keep up the work
I know if I SI just once it will bring back the old feelings and addictions and I will start up again.

For me why SI if I know it is only a temporary fix to my emotional problems and I will see the SI later and feel more bad feelings for doing it. I could do something fun like paint.

1. I dserve better than harming myself.

2.Not harming myself breaks the abuse cycle-my abuser hurt me back when I was little and had no choice, but now I can stop the abuse by no longer harming myself.

3.Self harm is the voice of my perpetrator saying I am no good. If I harm myself, then part of my is agreeing with my perpetrator.

4.If I don't harm myself, then I know the pain I feel isn't my fault.

5.If I harm myself, the pain from it will become confusd with the pain which my abuser caused me. I don't want to be confused about who caused my pain.

6.I don't want to have to blame myself for hurting myself. Blame belongs to my abuser, not me.

Now if only I could practice what I preach.......

Y'all hit on them. For scars, loss of blood and stuff. I guess my main reason is that I want to work with kids and teens.

Thank you ALL for sharing your thoughts. By reading your reasons NOT to SI, you've helped me again! I wish each and every one of you could see what I see ... <u>survivors.</u> Strong people who have survived horrors I can only imagine, who are always ready to lend a hand to others even when fighting your own demons, who are willing to bare your souls because you <u>deserve</u> to be better than SI and you <u>deserve</u> to put your past where it should be and you <u>deserve</u> to be happy! You ARE survivors and I'm in awe of your strength.

I want you to know that I've read all your posts, even copied some things to discuss with my daughter next time the terrible urges to cut are so violent in her that she reaches out to her mother for help. Thank GOD she's comfortable enough ... now ... to do that!

I wish you all continued determination to stay strong, to NOT let your abusers win! See the face in your mirror? That's YOU and YOU survived.

God bless you ALL! Thanks to you, I'm learning to be a

GoodMama

ok...here goes...the reason not to self injure <font color="purple"> </font>(even though right now i want to) is because truth be told i am tired of being stuck in the past... and even though right now all the other reasons put aside... i want to get past this all this hurt and heal... si is the bridge that keeps me connected to the all the pain... i use it to keep from having to look at and remember or deal with the past and the present (because that is what i know how to do)... and until i am willing to look at and deal with the pain (and learn new ways of coping) i only delay the healing and have to keep replaying the hurt... and i guess in the long run... in reality... makes it all more hurtful...grrrrr... right now i would have really liked to figured out why it's ok to si

reason that affects me most:

my future kid: mommy what are those marks onyour arms?

me: erm, nothing dear.

my kid as a teen: well its ok for me to do it mom, you do it too.

guy i date: what the F*** are those?!

me: erm. nothn. sorry.

friends: how bout we go to the beach?

me: erm, no sorry cant, i, im on.

friends: your always on...

im screwed.
i really am

these scripts are the ones that played in my head when i thought about the future.

what the hell do i do about the scars already there.

how do i do the job i wish to get without triggering my own patients? wow
erm
erm
erm

so much to think about so many excuses. so much lying.

i want to love me.
noone will love me till i love me.
bah

Well......I NEVER discuss this at all. But I will add a reason to the list. The emotional reasons "NOT TO" get discussed a lot. The possible physical outcomes do not.

Infection.....Horrible Pain....Life Threatening.....Terrible Scars

I cut my inner elbow badly one evening. For the next few days, it got redder & redder. I started to run a fever and felt sick. I finally went to my doctor. I told him and others that I had done it accidentally. I ended up in the hopital for 10 days. Part of this in the ICU. The rest in isolation. I had gotten a staph/cellulitis infection. It got in my bloodstream. I became septic. My kidneys started to shut down. I had to go to surgery every other day for days to have more tissue cut away. They would leave the wound open with drains. Tons of IV antibiotics. Even a pain pump full of dilaudid did not give me full relief or let me sleep for more than a few minutes at a time. Misery. GUILT.........so much guilt.

I am being descriptive because this is the real story. It's scary & ugly. I had to endure a whole summer of physical therapy to get the function of my arm & hand back. I have a large chunk of the crook in my arm gone from the surgery to cut away the dead tissue. I will have this mutilated reminder to look at every day for the rest of my life.

Please think about this. I still want to SI lots of times. I have slipped a few even after almost dying. It's a powerful problem. I AM getting help and I AM getting better at knowing when I am at risk and what to do when that happens. Treat it seriously and work on it seriously.

tulips

1. I see how it hurts my husband as well as myself and i do not want to hurt either one of us anymore.
2.I am tired of the continuous circle of Self harming and hating myself for doing so i do it again.
3.I do not want any more scars
4.When i visit my baby sister i do not like the look she has on her face when she asks me, "sissy what happened" she is older now and she can see through the lies.

hugs and love to all of you!!!!