Why do I get help for cutting when so many people out there don't? I wish nobody knew

I have BPD. I've been cutting myself for years. I've also developed an eating disorder not too long ago. My life is going fantastic (sarcasm). But seriously, there are a ton of people who cut themselves. I don't get why I should get all this special treatment from my therapist, eating disorder specialist, nutritionist, and psychiatrist. I miss the days when nobody knew that I cut myself, when I didn't get those stupid, insensitive cracks like "you're retarded." Believe me, I know I'm retarded but yeah....

The reason you are getting help is because you took that step to receive it. Many people who self-injure do it and nobody has a clue about it, so how can they be helped? I think it's fantastic that you have a large support system to help you overcome your issues, both self-injury and eating disorder.

And also, you are not retarded. You are a wonderful, strong person who deserves to live a happy and healthy life. And I hope that your support system (which you DO deserve, by the way ) will help you through your journey to recovery.

It's not special treatment. It's getting help. And that is a major step into recovery so I'm happy for you that you've taken that step. So many people hide it and don't want it that's why. Even if you didn't want it its good that you are. I hope you get through this all. Keep us all posted!!!

I know but I do everything I can to not follow the directions in therapy. I am stubborn and refuse to do any of it. I feel stupid though because I know that I need to do it if I want to get better.

Well, ultimately it's your decision to both accept and follow the advice that your support system is giving you. It is a matter of the individual deciding that they want to get better, nobody else can make that decision for you. With that, I hope that soon you will make that decision to get better, because you deserve a happy, healthy, and safe life.

I haven't told anyone, I can't take that next step. Please, do what they tell you! ;•)

it's so important that you do follow what they say! I wish I had the courage that you do!

haha....i do not. This morning i woke up with really bad chest pains. so my mom took me to the hospital where i ended up almost vomiting on the pregnant doctor. anyway, the doctor said it was an anxiety attack. i've never had an anxiety attack in my life. she gave me xanax.

So why do you think that you fight therapy BW?

its not special treatment. People will always fall through the cracks unfortuantly, but that doesn't mean that you shouldn't have help.

"So why do you think that you fight therapy BW?" --Sannah

I always do anything I can to do the opposite that my T tells me. I'm in something called DBT. Basically, I have a T and she's great. But she's a grad student so she has what they call a team with other grad students. Every Monday she and the team get together to talk about everybody's clients. The team make rules for me that nobody else has. I know it's for my own safety but I think it's unfair. Every Wednesday night, me and the other clients in DBT are required to go to group. I absolutely hate it. Sannah, this is the answer to your question. We are not allowed to text during it, but I do. My T took my phone away during it. But I, me being stubborn, took out my iPod and started to distract myself with that. That's just one example. There are more but I don't feel like typing that much lol.

Do you fight it to retain your own power?

Who makes fun of you? That is a pretty nasty thing to say.

I don't think what you are receiving is 'special treatment' - i think it is treatment. Btw what is the difference between an eating disorder specialist and a nutritionist....isn't that a massive cross over in job roles?!

It sounds like you are so critical of yourself....why? Why do you think you rebel against your treatment plan? Do you think you don't deserve it, or are you are scared of failing or worse, them failing you? Maybe you could start discussing the need to act out in group/individual therapy, recognising you are acting out is the first step towards finding out why and eventually you may find a way to not.

It is a choice at the end of the day. But that doesn't mean to say making a choice is easy or simple....trust me I definately know that!! Sometimes it is beyond difficult to not behave in a way that makes us feel safe... Sometimes even if I can't change my behaviour I try hard to point out the simple things like 'i think i'm angry at you' even if i then go on to act upon that anger....etc and i try hard to listen to my therapist....(although, at times, that can make it worse because I read things into what she says) ....and tell myself that she is sitting and being there even if she doesn't have the first clue about anything! (which is how it can feel at times...)

On the positive side, to me, it does sound like you are engaging in many ways despite your rebellion because you are turning up to appts and sometimes that really is hard enough! My therapist always tells this to me when I get angry....it validates the part of me that does care and does want to get better.