Worried

KeepHoldingOn · Jun 26, 2010, 05:28 AM

The past two days I’ve cut a few times not because of urges or anything like that but because I haven’t in a while and needed to know how it felt again. There was no trigger involved, nor any sort of distress. I mean, I’ve been really stressed out but I don’t think that had anything to do with why I SI’d. I guess it has been engraved in my mind so that I need it even when I’m not triggered at all? I wanted to know how it felt and went back to it. Is that necessarily a bad thing? I just think it’s a bit odd because I’ve been trying not to do anything that might end up triggering me so I can avoid SI altogether. I just find it odd that it happened without any sort of reason behind it.

The underlying problems have not been solved, but more are sitting idle. I do not wish to confront the issue, but am worried that if I don’t, the SI will get worse again and take over.

Jun 26, 2010, 05:57 PM

Take care of yourself, Liz. You have a lot of things going on.

Be safe.

Sannah · Jun 27, 2010, 06:09 AM

So you felt no need to stop yourself from SI?

KeepHoldingOn · Jun 27, 2010, 01:13 PM

I guess not, and I don’t really know why I didn’t stop myself.

fallenrose · Jun 30, 2010, 10:30 PM

i havent si in a while everyday i feel like cutting but i dont i cant even say why i dont. I do have another issue which is ednos.

jacpeaceandlove · Jul 04, 2010, 06:32 PM

babe dont do that stuff to your body plz. Don't make me worry about more than i already do.

puzzclar · Jul 04, 2010, 09:00 PM

It's better to deal with the tough issues then ahve them comeback and reservice all the time. But then, I'm not one to talk, since its hypicritiale of me to say that. Just keep in mind that the si should not take over yourself again. Stay clean, and if you need someone to talk to, I can be there for you.

KeepHoldingOn · Jul 17, 2010, 02:08 AM

Now it seems like no matter how I’m feeling I need to SI at least once a day. Everything is rapidly changing and I feel like that’s the only thing I can control. It’s something that stays constant for me no matter what else is going on around me.

Sannah · Jul 17, 2010, 02:10 AM

How is therapy going?

KeepHoldingOn · Jul 17, 2010, 02:15 AM

Alright I guess, I’m struggling but getting through it. My schedule has been very conflicted lately so I haven’t been going as much (traveling to see my parents and friends, personal reasons-not being able to get myself to go, etc...)

Sannah · Jul 17, 2010, 02:19 AM

Going to therapy is very important and should be the top priority.

KeepHoldingOn · Jul 17, 2010, 02:23 AM

I still haven’t been able to talk about anything comfortably.

Work and my personal life have taken up most of my time so it’s hard to fit therapy in.

Sannah · Jul 17, 2010, 02:43 AM

How convenient that you have distractions to help you avoid therapy. You can make therapy a priority if this is what you want. I understand that facing things is difficult but not tackling things in therapy just keeps your issues with you longer.

KeepHoldingOn · Jul 18, 2010, 09:11 PM

Yeah well it happens. I just don’t see why it’s so wrong to do. I don’t necessarily want to give it up but I’m tired of hiding it from everyone I’m close to.

Sannah · Jul 19, 2010, 04:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KeepHoldingOn

I just don’t see why it’s so wrong to do.

You know why it is wrong to do o/w you wouldn't hide it.

KeepHoldingOn · Jul 20, 2010, 10:45 PM

I hide it because I feel the need to. I hide it so people think I’m fine and sometimes, yes I wish someone would see through that. I don’t feel important enough to help so no I don’t see why I’m worth the time. I’m so over all of this. I need to feel something, anything at all.