The GUilt and shame----it never goes away....

Why does everything have to hurt so much and to the point that somehow getting the pain from the inside to the outside screams at a volume that you cannot turn from. Yet the guilt and shame that follows screams too. Knowing that it does not stop the pain really yet somehow it does for the moment.

Why does that moment not last very long, but the guilt and shame goes on for days? My heart is screaming and I wonder if anyone else can hear. Just lost right now and somehow needing to connect to something other than this pain. It really hurts both inside and outside.

....

I feel like that, too. I try not to, though, 'cause it feels like every time I do, I end up doing something that could potentially have been irreversible. Some things you just can't experiment with.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{D.P.S}}}}}}}}}}}Guilt and shame are supposed to be indicators pointing out when you have made a mistake...like conscience.That is its purpose.If you cannot physically make ammends for the things you feel guilty about....have a moment of silence,asking the universe for forgiveness if you think you need it.Then....forgive yourself.Guilt serves no other useful purpose.We make mistakes and we have to push forward.Because if we don't and we stay trapped in the engulfing feelings of remorse and self condemnation...we are not free to grow and reach out to others.I can guarantee you this....I have met no one who has not erred whether large or small....error is error.This is how we were designed and is how we evolve.Please use these feelings (the energy of them)...to learn... teach... or outstretch your hand.You are of no less value or significance than any human.And your individual spirit can only be found in you.You are unique and of great importance.~WOolf

I know how you feel, I feel the same way. Stay strong dps, know I’m always here for you.

-Liz

While I relate, it does seem like the answer for all this is staring you all in the face; you quite simple need to stop doing it, because as you probably already know, there is zero point to it, especially if your problems (whether psychological, physical or emotional) are still there afterwards.

You don't take a paracetamol if you know it will do absolutely nothing to alleviate the pain, so why mutilate your own body?

Deep Purple Secrets....thinking about you and the times I have felt dark .....I was unable to reach back out to those reaching for me...but some part of me needed to be loved...though I doubted anyone could love me.I am reaching out to the part that needs to be loved....as your fellow human...I offer heartfelt safe hugs and I hope your countenance has improved.Love WOolf~

(((((dps))))) That guilt and shame are not yours - they belong to your abusers alone, but they forced you to carry their guilt and shame for them so they could justify abusing you and wouldn't have to take responsibility for their misbehaviors. The guilt and shame you feel are nothing but a conditioned response - corrupted programming instilled in you by your tormentors. Those are NOT a part of you, so dump them in the rubbish where they belong. Your Friend lynn09

I know what you mean. I feel the exact same way.

At some point you have to stop acting like them though.

DPS, sometimes SI can save your life because it can relieve some pressure so that you don't feel suicidal. I know the work that you are doing. You are on a journey of allowing all of your old stored feelings to finally surface. You are doing the good, hard work! You are doing what it takes to heal and get better. I think that as long as you are careful and aware of what you are doing and the SI isn't deep/dangerous that small SI can get you through the work that you HAVE to do. Guilt and shame can get in the way because you are already processing some pretty heavy duty emotions. You don't need to add to your load. You are doing the best that you can. Sometimes there isn't a perfect answer. Sometimes in our path we can only find the best answer at the time. Please be careful.........