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#1
Sep 08, 2005, 05:36 PM
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NO!!!!!!!
 PS I RESENT people who use my so called weaknesses against me (and as to anyone, including "doctors" who twist facts or who lie, well no comment. I grew up with lies and deceit blech)
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#2
Sep 08, 2005, 05:52 PM
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are you ok, fuzzy? Need to talk?
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"When they discover the center of the universe, a lot of people will be disappointed to discover they are not it." -Bernard Bailey |
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#3
Sep 08, 2005, 06:32 PM
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{{{{{{{{{Fuzzy}}}}}}}}}
Doctors can go screw themselves; there are a great many times when they hurt us emotionally worse than they could "botch" a medical surgery! After 18 years of no more SI-ing; I broke down and went back at it BIG time, winding up in the ER for sutures & staples twice. The way the treated me that first time re-instilled the self-hate of SI (not the beauty)and the guilt-trips about how my husband must feel walking around with me in public.   Shame....Now that the bandages are off; I look at my scars like a schizophrenic; part is an awe of the beauty of color of scars, longing to see the crimson to spill and splatter like a waterfall again; the other side sees ugliness of the eggplant purple against the smooth white skin & I can "feel those eyes" Standing in line in a grocery store (It's still summer & I will not wear long sleeves) I've seen "those eyes" Those idiot bastards who think they are cleaverly staring at those scars. I register the look instantly. I know that look,,,the disgust, their "personal horrific" look. I saw them for years & years....long time ago. But someone mentioned before; that arm/wrist/whatever belongs to the heart of my soul mate..........and so now, Do I feel Loveable?? He says it's o.k. & he's loves me all the more (just quit it!  ) I handed over all knifes & he hid his blades (he does leatherwork) But, over the weekend we had to immaculately clean our apartment for yearly inspections...he had turned in, I was cleaning till I dropped..........I found the box w/ all the blades...the really SHARP ones.What is going through & totally obsessing my mind now 24/7 is nothing but the cascading crimson, sticky, splattering streams hitting my newly cleaned floor...........but it's HIS arm, too! Do I feel Loveable? NO!! He circles his arms around mine & whispers his love for us; and all I can do is stare w/ the schizophrenic's mind at the scars.........   Do I Feel............  
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"DIVERSITY: The art of thinking independently together" ---MS Forbes |
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#4
Sep 08, 2005, 06:46 PM
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Hi.
Among other disorders..I suffer from Schizophrenia. You made reference to it in your post..and I cannot grasp what you mean by your comments. Could you please elaborate? Thanks! ~Dottie 
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 dottie |
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#5
Sep 08, 2005, 11:01 PM
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{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{fuzzy}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
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"My Therapist always says there is HOPE, so he continues to be my light of HOPE even on my darkest of days" |
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#6
Sep 08, 2005, 11:34 PM
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#7
Sep 10, 2005, 05:41 AM
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((((((((((((fuzzy))))))))))))) bird treats, fuzzybear, think bird treats. hope we talk soon. please take care!
-shadow
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i tear my heart open i sew myself shut my weakness is that i care too much the scars remind me the past is real i tear my heart open just to feel ~Papa Roach |
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#8
Sep 12, 2005, 11:20 PM
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Fuzzy as long as we all believe in each other, yes we are Loveable
Angie
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 A good day is when the crap hits the fan and I have time to duck. |
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#9
Sep 13, 2005, 10:20 PM
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my draling Fuzzy wuzzy bear..
I am so sorry you are going through this right now.. dragon hugs to you..
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