[HALLIEBETH87]

I am tense and uncertain of everything around me. I haven't a clue where I fit in this puzzle and there is no one to guide me to private destination. I have been thinking about a tattoo pretty much constantly in the past day. I desperately want one so I can experience the pain...the sensation of having gotten one...the high, the awesomeness of it all! Therefore, I have decided after I get off work today I will go and get one. Tattoos may be considered si...if getting one for different reasons than the norm, but tattoos are socially accepted. I am not. I will 'follow the crowd' on this one.

[silver_queen]

Post deleted by silver_queen

[biplol]

Hallie, what are you getting tattoed?
I'm sorry you are feeling this way, PM me anytime, I'm here to hold your hand~

[HALLIEBETH87]

I already have 2 tattoos. I tend to make many impulsive decisions...2 tattoo...belly button pierced..etc. I am getting a blue star on my left wrist...and I am excited that its going to hurt a lot.

[biplol]

I've been thinking about getting one myself, but the thoughts seems to come when I'm maniac, go figures, and then ussually I have the money for it when I'm depressive, at that point I don't want it anymore, lol, ohhh well.
I hope you do soemthing you won't regret.
~hugs~

[HALLIEBETH87]

I don't have the money for it. I am using my credit card..been doing that alot lately (not sure why). But right now I feel like I am going crazy I am so anxious.

[biplol]

hallie, can you focus your anxiaty into something lese that can help you relax?
Maybe it's not a great idea to use your credit card for it.
Hun, I'm sorry you are feeling like this, I know how hard it is. PM me anytime, ok?!

[HALLIEBETH87]

I am at school, work-study, right now. All I have is time to think about it and feel anxious about nothing in particular. I wish I had my safety pins.

[biplol]

((**((**((**HALLIEBETH87**))**))**))

[HALLIEBETH87]

Does anyone else ever just go from one mood to the next in a day's time? 3 hours ago I was happy. Ealry yesterday I was apathetic and last night was mix between both.

[biplol]

Hallie, that is how I feel almost all the time, if I'm maniac, it lasts for a week to a week and 1/2, but when I'm in a mixed state (like right now) I feel going up and down all day long.

[HALLIEBETH87]

I don't why I do this, this whole happy, sad, angry, happy, sad, stupid, happy thing.

[mlyn]

whoa good point

[HALLIEBETH87]

i didnt get to get it and that saddens me terribly.

[(JD)]

Halliebeth I'm sorry you are disappointed, that feels bad no matter what the situation. However, I think it's good that you didn't follow through on this. Yes, I do think that tattooing is a form of self injury...especially when you describe it the way you do as to your reasoning for getting one. (((hugs)))

Socially acceptable? Perhaps among your peers. But again, the rate of depression among young ppl, the self hatred and suicidal tendencies are also high..I still believe there is a correlation.

Please do something good for yourself that isn't harming in any way. Then there is no backlash from it. TC!

[HALLIEBETH87]

I will do anything in power to get it tomorrow. *desperate face*

[ickydog2006]

((((((((((((((((((hallie))))))))))))))))))

Before you get it please hink about something:
Are you thinking rationally right now?

If your answer is no I think you should wait out this storm until you are. If you still want the tattoo once you are thinking about it rationally and if you have the money to, than I would say go ahead and get it.

Please just think about that.

PM me if you need to

[HALLIEBETH87]

i dont know what i am thinking, i think i am fine. i guess. just seems the high i get off tattoos is much greater and i am pretty much obsessing about it right now.

[HALLIEBETH87]

I am so anixous at the moment. I really wanna si and feel calm...but i cant.

[(JD)]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
just seems the high i get off tattoos

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> Yes, I see this as the only real reason you want one...you need the high?? Is it possible that you are needing the adrenalin or the pain chemicals that would be dumped in when doing such a thing?

Have you been dx'd as having Bipolar Disorder? There is medicine that will help you feel more balanced. I can only imagine the fluctuation and how it causes upset in your life.

Please don't do the tattoo thing...not now..you can always get them as an adult, when it's for a better reason than just to feel the high.

[HALLIEBETH87]

i have just returned from my first session with a new T. I am surprised that I actually like him. Seeing as I can never talk to new people (physically cannot get the words to come out) so I made a list of the things that bother me. It was kinda long....*yikes*. He started reading and within like 2 minutes he was talking about bipolar disorder. I am to return next Friday and hes setting up an appointment with the psychiatrist. I have to say....I am a bit scared. Next time were supposed to a treatment thingy and a diagnostic sheet>??? what are those, anyone know?

[ickydog2006]

I'm honestly not sure what a diagnostic sheet is but it sounds like it might be something I had to do.

When I was told to see a psychiatrist by my T, he had me answer a whole bunch of questions as a diagnostic tool... most of the questions were really boring like what is the date today? What time is it? What year is it?... things like that to make sure I wasn't delusional I think. Basically it was just questions to distinguish between more serious mental issues and figure out what techniques of treatment might be best for me, and what if any brain chemical imbalances I had.

That's what I'm guessing it is that he is talking about, but honestly Im not sure.

Either way I wouldn't worry too much about this.

Good luck, and I hope things are getting a bit better for you.

[HALLIEBETH87]

thanks for responding. i'm not really worried right now.

[SpazKatt]

HI Hallie, I'm glad you like your new T. I have a Tattoo myself and I got it for a different reason. I used to SI and I told myself if I went for a year with out doing it I would get a tattoo as a reward. I picked out what I wanted (a 4 leaf clover) at the same time I decied I would get one if I stopped SIing. When the time came a year later and I Still wanted to get the tattoo and design I knew it was the right thing to do. It is a very different kind of pain...not so much of a hurt as an annoying feeling. The thing about tattoos is what the leave behind is beautiful and can be even more special if there is a story behind the design you pick. I am not going to say whether or not I think you should get a tattoo because after all it's your decision. *hugs*

[HALLIEBETH87]

thanks. i have actually wanted a wrist tattoo for a while now, its just lately i have been obsessing.