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  #1  
Old Oct 10, 2003, 08:11 AM
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somebodyelse somebodyelse is offline
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I've been fighting the urge to cut all week, and last night I finally lost the battle. I've been under pressure from my mother to attend a large wedding and spend the weekend with her; and I don't feel comfortable telling her that I've been dissociating a lot lately (which would be embarrassing at the wedding). Also, I haven't spent any time with my mother in many months because I don't want to talk to her about my illness (also because she's a trigger). I really do need to go and see her, because she IS my mother and she will be having surgery soon.

I'm only seeing my therapist every two weeks now, and I don't like to bother him between sessions, so I've been trying to deal with my issues by myself. I feel better now, but if I go to the wedding and to my mother's I'll have to hide my cuts, which are quite long.

Ah well. I made it a little over three weeks this time.

Julie




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  #2  
Old Oct 10, 2003, 10:26 AM
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Peanut61 Peanut61 is offline
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Sending you a hug and some positive energy, (((((((Julie))))))...

I think your T would want you to call, even if it's between sessions, especially when you are in this much distress. Best of luck whatever you decide.

Warmest regards, Peanut I cut again  *****TRIGGER*******

<font color=blue>HI FROM PEANUT</font color=blue> I cut again  *****TRIGGER*******
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I cut again  *****TRIGGER*******
  #3  
Old Oct 10, 2003, 10:42 AM
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somebodyelse somebodyelse is offline
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Thank you for the hug and positive energy, Peanut--
I appreciate your warmth and concern very much! I cut again  *****TRIGGER*******

I do need to learn to call for help from my therapist when I need it. It's a weakness of mine, and I'm sure I'll have to answer for it when I see my psychiatrist and my therapist next week.I cut again  *****TRIGGER*******

Julie

  #4  
Old Oct 10, 2003, 11:13 AM
Zenobia Zenobia is offline
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Member Since: Mar 2002
Location: Washington, USA
Posts: 1,130
Seeing any of my birth family has been a trigger for me. Now when I know I am going to be seeing them I schedule a therapy appointment imediately afterward because I know I will be hitting a slump right then. I am usually fine during the visit but as soon as I get home or they leave my mood crashes down into the danger zone. It is awful.
Carrie

<font color=green>Not knowing when the dawn will come, I open every door.--Emily Dickenson
  #5  
Old Oct 10, 2003, 12:19 PM
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Rapunzel Rapunzel is offline
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Member Since: Jun 2003
Location: noplace
Posts: 10,284
{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Julie}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

You made it for a long time. Congratulations for that!

Two weeks is a long time to wait between sessions. (I go every other week also). And I relate to not wanting to bother your therapist between sessions too. Are you like me in that you think there is always someone else who probably needs him more or is more deserving of his attention? You count too, and if you are experiencing distress, I'm sure he would be glad to help you get through it. That's what he's there for, right? Can you write to him? I sometimes write a letter to my T and take it with me to my next appointment, and I also can send him e-mail. That has made a world of difference for me.

You can always talk to us about it too. I was glad to have the chance to chat with you the other day. We have a lot in common.

Sending positive thoughts your way, no matter what you decide regarding seeing your mother, going to the wedding, and contacting your therapist. Just do what's right for you. I cut again  *****TRIGGER*******

Wendy

<font color=red>"Striving for excellence motivates you; striving for perfection is demoralizing." -Harriet Braiker</font color=red>
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“We should always pray for help, but we should always listen for inspiration and impression to proceed in ways different from those we may have thought of.”
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  #6  
Old Oct 12, 2003, 09:22 AM
JulieBean JulieBean is offline
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Member Since: Oct 2002
Location: MA, usa
Posts: 58
its another Julie! Hi there. I cut too... i did... two nights ago. I hadn't in a couple weeks up to that point... i had been doing better. Its always off and on. But its good you made it three weeks... better than i did, lol. good luck to you, and i hope the pressure you've been under subsides.
~Julie

"Sometimes it takes us to the bottom of our misery to understand the truth..."
~Gustav Havel - existentialist
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"Sometimes it takes us to the bottom of our misery to understand the truth..."
~Gustav Havel - existentialist
  #7  
Old Oct 12, 2003, 09:30 PM
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somebodyelse somebodyelse is offline
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Thanks so much, everyone, for your support.

I finally called my therapist Friday and told him about this and he gave me some great advice on getting through the whole wedding/mom thing.
So I went to the wedding and spent Fri. night at my mother's house and we had a GREAT time! Whew!

Today I went to my home dropzone (did I mention that I'm a skydiver?) to see my friends. It's been months and months since I'e been out there, because of all the problems that I've had. . It was great to be with my friends again, but it was sad being a spectator. I hope to be able to spend more time there just being with my friends and being around the sport that I love until I can actually start jumping again.

Thanks again, everybody, for your kindness!

Julie

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