[phoenix7]

Does anyone find that when they stop one form of SI they start another?

** Possible trigger coming up **

I used to cut with a blade - then i scratched - i had promised my T not ot cut and i guess this was my way around it - my pdoc seemed upset (for me) by my scratching so i tried to stop but tht turned to pulling at the skin or rubbing it till it broke and then tearing....

I used to do it where no-one could see - but now ...... people can be so blind and easily led somtimes when they dont want to see - maybe i wanted them to see ..... i dont know .. but they didnt.

SO i am trying not to tear my skin or re-open the healing wounds.....so then i cut down my food intake ....this doesnt help me lose weight - it slows my metabolism further.. so having that taken away cos i start to get ill - i overspend......... sooner or later they cut off your cards lol thats ssoooooo not funny and beyond mega stupid to do that.. sighs

then i start talking to people who will probably trigger me ..... another way to SI? maybe i am looking for them to trigger me so i can SI again ...i dont know..... kowing that i feel this way do i stay away - noooo im like a moth to a flame ........ bangs head agains tthe wall....

my place is a mess (like those crazy people you see on tv) - my life is a mess lol

I got rid of some stuff from home today and now i am desperate to ...dont know......... drive too fast (wont do that - dont want to hurt anyone else) - punch a wall - jump out of my skin - dont know ..... if i hadnt promised my old T i wouldnt use a blade id prob be using it now ... but im not - thats good - but it makes me want to look for some other way....

so i guess after all that rambling .. has anyone else ever felt this way???

[Ebpm]

I have before don't worry! Dx I had to trim my nails waaaay down so I couldn't scratch at one point...xD I suggest exercise! Especially yoga because it hurts really bad, but it's good for you! Poses like downward dog and the warrior pose...just hold them for a wicked long time. Plus, it helps relieve stress too which is SO awesome.

But yeah, feelin that way isn't fun. Whenever I feel that way if I'm in school or somewhere I can't just run around like a headless chicken I think of all the things I'm thankful for, and why I didn't SI in the first place. That usually keeps me from doing it. Or I talk to a friend who really saved me from something awful a few nights back.
Hang in there! ;-)

[Sannah]

Yeah Phoenix, because if you haven't fixed the original problem then you have to cope and all of these addictions are ways to cope.

[puzzclar]

Find a Professional to talk to... to uncover the real truth. It will be painful. (I'm not sugar coating it) But in the end, it will help. I felt the same way only it was with something totally different, I was searching for a way out. Even in the safeist place, I wasn't really safe.... from myself. But a few years later, I look back and say it saved my life. I'm still working through things, and somedays it's really hard, and yes I still look for other ways to SI just like you. But I Choose not to do them. I choose to not follow those urges. Becuase what really is behind it, is PAIN, Mental Pain, My Past. Things I don't want to remember. It's painful, as a procces, but it has to be dealt with. I look forward to the day when I have a Professional to work with. TO get through this.... to stop looking for new ways to SI.

You can choose to do something else. Yoga, Run, Put a Puzzle together, Clean, do what ever else helps. And don't issolate yourself. Be around people, who prevent you from SI'ing. You an do it, You can choose to change.

[Nemo39122]

I first started cutting, when I tried to stop that I started overdosing, not realizing it was also SI. Now I do both, though stopping very soon, permanently.