[nicoleb2]

I had been doing really well, hadn't cut in like a year, but I was in the psychiatric ward of the hospital for 2 weeks about 3 weeks ago. I got a pass, and on that pass I brought a razor blade with me. I ended up cutting a bunch.

Then, I got out of the hospital and attempted suicide, which also involved a lot of cutting.

I am in a better place now and am not feeling suicidal, but have been having a LOT of anxiety the past few days.

My problem is, I know better than to cut, I know the shame and anger I will feel if I do, but I so desperately want to cut anyway! I don't know what to do anymore....

[Sannah]

Are you seeing a therapist?

[Christina86]

Originally Posted by nicoleb2

I had been doing really well, hadn't cut in like a year, but I was in the psychiatric ward of the hospital for 2 weeks about 3 weeks ago. I got a pass, and on that pass I brought a razor blade with me. I ended up cutting a bunch.

Then, I got out of the hospital and attempted suicide, which also involved a lot of cutting.

I am in a better place now and am not feeling suicidal, but have been having a LOT of anxiety the past few days.

My problem is, I know better than to cut, I know the shame and anger I will feel if I do, but I so desperately want to cut anyway! I don't know what to do anymore....

Seconding Sannah's question... when you were in hospital, did they give you any strategies/support in things you can do instead of cutting?

Have you looked at the pinned topic in the forum, on things to do instead of SI yet? Maybe you can make a list of things you can do yourself, and keep a copy of it with you to look at when you feel the urge to cut.

The problem with any addiction is that we're stuck KNOWING what is good for us, and yet having another part of us or our emotions telling us differently... it gets easier to ignore the voice that tells us to cut, but sometimes it gets worse. Especially if we're feeling stressed or triggered by stuff. Do you know what's causing your anxiety, and how to deal with your anxiety in a more healthy way than cutting?

[nicoleb2]

I see my therapist once a week and also have her cell phone number in case I need it.

I have a bunch of things I CAN do to distract myself, it's just a matter of getting myself to...

as for the anxiety, my house was foreclosed on, i'm on no meds, i'm searching for an apartment but have horrible credit, i'm being sued by my credit card company.....

[Sannah]

Can you call your therapist when you get urges? Are you talking to your therapist about the SI and SU?