Kitchens trigger?

I realized that I get triggered every time I pick up a knife. Even when I am cooking or doing dishes. I don’t know why and I can’t take it much longer. I need to cook, otherwise I won’t eat for days, but if I do I end up getting really bad urges. I’ve tried to cook things that don’t require chopping or dicing or anything but even being in a kitchen is a huge trigger for me. Any ideas on what I can do?

Been there!

There are options if you want to try to go the "no knives" route:
http://www.self-injury.org/kitchen.html

Are you in therapy of some sort? Dealing with triggers is something better left to the professionals to help you with, but you can try meditation or visualization or centering exercises so you don't space out and cut.

Thank you I will try that. I do enjoy cooking very much, it’s always been a stress reliever for me but lately it has just become a nightmare. I don’t understand it, I guess I’m just getting triggered by everything these days. I don’t have the strength to fight them off anymore.

I am in therapy but haven’t had time to go lately. I haven’t found it very useful at all.

Do you understand why it hasn't been working very well?

Not sure. It’s really taken a back seat in my life now. I have a lot going on and barely have time to relax anymore.

THis would affect it.

I had this very same problem for quite a while and still struggle with it now sometimes, especially if I go to the kitchen when I'm not feeling the best. Especially if I'm having a crash.

I started to buy things already chopped/diced/sliced for me or I'd try my best to make sure someone else was around while I did it. Now, I just make sure I'm on the phone to my fiance before I start chopping things up. It's a good distraction, I'm concentrating more on talking to him than I am on the knife or anything. It is an awful thing to struggle with but we will get there!

I am fully aware of that, however, I didn’t think it was helping much anyway. I guess once again I am stuck in place. I’m getting indifferent and complacent again. Like I know nothing will get better so I’m content with living this way. It’s almost like I’m fine with being unhappy and in pain, knowing that one day I might take SI one step too far.

As far as the whole kitchen thing goes I love cooking, I love chopping and dicing, julienne, everything, so I’m not sure what to do. I don’t like the idea of going the no knives route however if that is my best option I will have no choice but to go without knives. I guess I’m just trying to figure things out. I’ve tried watching tv, and listening to music while cooking and neither help much. The pre chopped food items just aren’t as much fun. I love being able to take out a knife and use it to create an amazing meal. I don’t want to give it up but I’m worried about my safety.