[Amoslass]

Oh god I can't stand being in this apartment with HER. the ex. It is so wrong and weird and depressing. I keep looking at my wrists ad then looking at my blade and then at my wrists and I can't stop thinking about it.
I know it's a ridiculous reason to feel this way, wh get o worked up over someone who didn't even care anyway?

See, all I asked her to do was show me a little more care and affection, be gentle with me, try to learn my illness. And she says we have to break up.

Great frigging timing. And now all I think about is hurting myself more, making myself so ragged and scarred that I'm hospitalised.

But i drink and take painkillers. I guess that is self harm too, but it stops me doing something worse, something more final.

[Elley]

Amoslass I'm so sorry this has happened, I recently also was left by my ex and it isn't fun, I think I know how abandoned you must feel. It's easier said than done but try to do something nice for yourself, have a bath and cook something nice, or maybe try to see another friend? It sounds like you need all the support you can get from friends/family right now. Take care x

[Amoslass]

I'm gong to mum's tomorrow - there's a poetry night at the gallery so I think some soul food will help. I just wish I could have a normal relationship.

[Elley]

That sounds like a good plan, it sounds like you need to get out of your apartment for a while. I know it sometimes seems like everyone else has some secret to the perfect relationship, but actually I'm not sure that there's such thing as a 'normal' relationship. everyone just muddles along as best as they can, and sometimes it works out, and sometimes it doesn't. It doesn't mean that you will never have a good relationship, just that you haven't found it yet.

[Amoslass]

i'm feeling close to something bad right now. I shouldn't of drunk tha entire bottle of wine. I feel stupid and sad and too complaicent. Why do I let people do what ever they like to me? Why do I end up the one in the most pain? Why do I keep repeating the same mistakes????

I feel so old yet still a tiny child with no clue. I am so tired, so tired, so tired...

[Amoslass]

And I just SI'ed. I hate myself.

[whenwillitend]

[Sannah]

How are you doing today Lass?

[Hossenfaus]

Originally Posted by Amoslass

And I just SI'ed. I hate myself.

I'm so sorry to hear that you are in so much pain, Amoslass.
I don't know what to say, except that I hope that you will find some solace with family or friends and not hurt yourself anymore.
I don't think you should hate yourself either. You made a mistake, we all make mistakes. Just think about how many of us are on this forum. You are not alone even though you feel like it at times.
I am not trying to make you feel bad by telling you that your post made me cry... I can't stand the thought of another person feeling as sad as you are at this time.
I hope that things get better for you soon.
Peace be with you.