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Old Mar 10, 2011, 04:05 PM
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ballet_girl ballet_girl is offline
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Member Since: Oct 2010
Posts: 107
Yesterday was my 3 month anniversary of stopping cutting...but I have such mixed feelings about it. I think most of the reason that I have been able to go so long without SI is because I am in a very different place emotionally so I don't NEED it, but I still want it.

I miss SI because it is something that I had completely to myself--'my thing'. Nobody could see my scars and nobody knew, except for T, and she only knew because I chose to tell her. And also because it made me feel like I had control over my body, which I don't normally feel. Which is stupid because that need doesn't stem from any abuse or anything like that so I don't know where it comes from or a healthy way to deal with it. I mostly stopped because I wanted T to be proud of me...it is hard for me to see that it is inherently unhealthy (esp because it was never super severe)

I wish that 3 months seemed more like an accomplishment and less like something to mourn...

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  #2  
Old Mar 11, 2011, 11:54 AM
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Sannah Sannah is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ballet_girl View Post
I miss SI because it is something that I had completely to myself--'my thing'.

And also because it made me feel like I had control over my body, which I don't normally feel. ...
THis sounds like something to talk to T about.
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  #3  
Old Mar 12, 2011, 05:16 AM
Broken Wings Broken Wings is offline
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I know how you feel. I've gone a month without SI, probably to make my T proud of me as well. And all I really want to do is cut right now. And I feel like a need it more than want it.
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