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#1
Mar 31, 2011, 09:25 AM
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I hate myself tonight I hurt the cat, well....I shook her I got in such a rage I shook her and grabbed her foot and she twisted and she hissed....part of me wanted her to rip my hand off, bite me and scratch me.
I started crying after and went out and she's under the clothes rack all huddled up hating me and she should. This is the same cat I accuse my ex of neglecting. And I"M abusing the poor thing. I want to cut myself, tear my hands off, but I can't find my tools and all the ones I do find are blunt and I hate myself hate myself. See why I can't have kids? Can you imagine me with children? I'd kill them, I know I would. I am a horrible person I am scum I don't deserve to be here. i can't even handle a pet cat. I've never hurt any animal before I moved in with my girlfriend (now ex-girlfriend and yes I am moving, but I'm still here) What the hell is wrong with me???
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#2
Mar 31, 2011, 09:45 AM
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Lass, I'm sorry that you are in distress. Do you understand what happened for you to grab the cat?
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Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
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#3
Mar 31, 2011, 10:07 AM
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I wanted her to sleep on my bed. I like that. Even though she lies on my feet. I crave company. And she wouldn't. I guess I broke down because I feel so alone right now. I hate myself for being such a monster.
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#4
Mar 31, 2011, 11:42 AM
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I can understand how that triggered you. Its okay
 ..........
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Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
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#5
Mar 31, 2011, 01:39 PM
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((((((((safe hugs if thats ok))))))) im so sorry im sure the cat knows u wouldnt hurt it intentionally that u had a moment of weakness. i hope things are better for u and posting helped you get it out. good luck to u my new friend (i hope thats ok too)
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*****bamagurllost**** http://vickielholt.psychcentral.net/ ****fractured pieces of my mind**** |
 Amoslass
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#6
Mar 31, 2011, 02:29 PM
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I am sorry you feel so alone. I have often felt what you describe, getting really mad at someone else and then feeling horrified and having the anger come back on myself. Please know that you are here for a reason and that you are deserving of love and quite capable of giving it back. I am sorry you are having such a rough time. Please take care and keep us posted on how you are doing.
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She wishes things were different, but the wishes don't mean anything. I am trying to hear myself think here But all I can feel is the pain. I just want to curl up and stop my aching heart . |
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#7
Mar 31, 2011, 08:28 PM
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It took me a long time to get to sleep. I woke up with the cat curled up next to me. Obviously she's ok. I feel guilty still though.
I'm just so stressed I feel like I have to keep myself in check every second of the day so I don't do something stupid and dangerous.
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#8
Apr 01, 2011, 06:53 AM
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Take care of yourself Amoslass...I'm worried about you!
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 Children's talent to endure stems from their ignorance of alternatives. ~ Maya Angelou Thank you SadNEmpty for my avatar and signature.
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#9
Apr 02, 2011, 07:15 AM
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I'm worried too. I keep looking at my wrists. I wantedto buy a knife today but luckily I didn't. I still can't find my tools and I am so frustrated. I hate where I am right now and I can't get out.
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#10
Apr 02, 2011, 12:22 PM
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Keep trying...I know you can find your way out. I believe in you!
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Children's talent to endure stems from their ignorance of alternatives. ~ Maya Angelou Thank you SadNEmpty for my avatar and signature.
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| Amoslass
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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