[cryingchild]

Run Away If you want to survive Run away to save your mind !!! Thats how I am feeling right now Ive had a couple of cans and am back to my same old thinking,-Whats the point ? Im not worth anything? noone likes me? everyone hates me? would'nt I be better of dead? Its strange in a way cause Ive always thought that the drink keeps me feeling sane Maybe thats changed?? I have not had the police involved for two months now ever since I was formally diagnosed with borderline personality disorder.I dont know weather to feel happier or more depressed,I think It has helped me ina a sense that I now know what has been causing my problems but I just feel so mad having this kind of label??

I know labels dont mean that much but they mean a hell of a lot to me ,Ive heard that The health people stay well clear of people with b.p.d......that has made me worry.........what if Something happends to me that I need medical help Will they not treat me???? refuse point blank to even show a bit of care??? I know im probbably babberling but Ive so much to get out at the momment and right now this keeps me from harming myself? is that a good or bad thing?? Im so pissed off still bout my social worker I feel that she is not intrested in me at all......Ive had 7 others and they have all left I mean Is it me ?? Am I scaring them all away,Its sad but all the people I get close to leave me? I really think that Im the major problem here???? If I went then noone would have to be put out by me .Im sounding selfish I apologise,I would really like to talk to anyone who will be willing to listen to me tonight Just have alot to get out,I dont mind if you dont feel upto it .I feel so alone even though I have enchantedwings and its a big group ,I dont know does anyone eles feel like they are alone?? and would like to maybe talk with em away from the group by messeneger?? just a thought?

I went to a halloween party last night and just felt so embarrased,humiliated,and alone ,Good job I was wearing a mask as everyone would of laughed at me.....I really was looking forward to going and had made an effort to dress up as a devil but when I got there I just shook......I find that sometimes when I feel very scared that I can feel myself shaking.even though Im not.do you know what I mean by that??

When I got home I cut straight away -It hurt but I was pleased cause It made me feel more real happy,

Fireworks going off all over the place here(I love fireworks)!!!!! Sorry changed the subject there I do that when I find things painfull to talk about ??

I can tell this is going to be a major long post.sorry everyone if I get on your nerves............just bear with me ok.........Like Ive been told I know I speak like a fool sometimes But Just bear with ok......

this is where the anger comes in,Im so angry at my life........My only real best mate who I met when I was in hospital Who I thought I was valued by Has all of a sudden told me in a text that Im a self centered ***** who deserves everything that Will come to me (I can understand that bit but why has she left me ??? The last time I saw her I told her I had been diagnosed with b.p.d I mean I know It probbably scared the [censored] out of her But Honestly Im not a bad person I just find ways to cope that may not me normal but what is normal anyway.I hate that word........I really do!!!!

My life is [censored] and just chaos I know that But I would never hurt a fly never mind anyone human........I miss her loads and feel even more sad that our friendship had too come to an end like it has,I feel cheated That our frienship was a fake.sad I know But thats how I feel............

I burnt my hand and took an overdose cause she sent me that text,sad I know but I just felt so alone so abandoned now everytime I look at my hand I get angry that she could make me do this too myself.....I needed to see the nurse 3 times a week for 3 months and was wrapped up for 4 months....why do I put myself through this terror........

My dad said to me last night dont let this with the social worker get to me dont let here win......I can understand what he is saying but it just so gets too me.........

Im so stupid I even took an overdose two weeks ago to get out of going to the dentist.......I mean how sad is that..........

why Is my life so [censored].so dangerous so chaotic......Its like I enjoy playing russian roulette with my life..........

Sorry need to cut now.feel angry.......upset......drunk.......Thought this would help and stop me but I was wrong.yet again(when will I ever learn)

Will be online in half an hour if anyone would like to talk with me .really could do with a good natter.........


hurtingsobad1@yahoo.co.uk

[Rapunzel]

Hi Louise,

I'm sorry you are feeling so bad right now. Hang in there. Things will get better.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

-Wendy

<font color=red>"Striving for excellence motivates you; striving for perfection is demoralizing." -Harriet Braiker</font color=red>

[cryingchild]

but will they????

[Peanut61]

Hi (((((((Louise))))))) = I do really think it is good to write here - it will help you get some of the anger and pain out, though I know not all of it = that will take time....

Has anyone talked to you about trying to avoid the all-or-nothing type of thinking that many of us get caught up in. That's where, for example, we might make a mistake - say get a low mark on a test, so we immediately say to ourselves that we are total failures, etc., when, if we challenge that idea we know it's not true. Or, if someone doesn't call us back, we immediately think that they hate us and that we are total losers, neither of which is true.

Keep talkin to us, Ok. Warmest regards.

<font color=blue>HI FROM PEANUT</font color=blue>

[Rapunzel]

They will, but you do have to do your part to make it better. There are ups and downs, and some of us have really bad downs, but still it gets better, and it doesn't have to get that bad again.

{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}

-Wendy

<font color=red>"Striving for excellence motivates you; striving for perfection is demoralizing." -Harriet Braiker</font color=red>