[glitterandspots]

I've been drawing a butterfly on my wrist for a few weeks now; some days it was a flower; just to remind me that my friends hate it when I cut. But today it was so easy just to go to the veins on my upper arm and annoy them. I'm like, the queen of deception I hate it, I hate how I can hide it so easily if I do it there because it's winter so no one would think me weird for long sleeves/half sleeves. so anyway, I had nearly managed to convince myself that I was fine when I found my blade still in my pocket from the day before and went off to the bathrooms, at lunch. My friends didn't even wonder because I had my sleeves rolled up halfway. I'm tired of acting fine when everything feels like a hurricane. No one even noticed the tiny spot of blood on my sleeve that I tried not to get there.
oh, and a teacher knows that I did it yesterday as well but not about today. I hope she doesn't ask, she's worried enough poor thing.
how could I have cut so easily? I didn't hurt the butterfly so I wasn't guilty about it. I guess. I wasn't even in as bad a mood as I'd been yesterday.
can has quit this?

[Sannah]

Do you have a therapist?

[Abby]

Originally Posted by glitterandspots

But today it was so easy just to go to the veins on my upper arm and annoy them. I'm like, the queen of deception

It sounds like your friends care about you, why would you want to be deceptive and hurt yourself to annoy them? How does that even work if you're hiding it from them? Do you get satisfaction from thinking what they may say/do if they find out?

Originally Posted by glitterandspots

My friends didn't even wonder because I had my sleeves rolled up halfway. I'm tired of acting fine when everything feels like a hurricane. No one even noticed the tiny spot of blood on my sleeve that I tried not to get there.

But why would they be looking out for it if they they trust you to talk to them if you need it, and you have told them that you recognise and hear their concerns by putting a butterfly on your wrist? If you are tired of feeling this way then tell someone about it and accept their help. If you expect people to guess through your deception, you'll likely have a long wait i'm afraid.

Of course you can quit, if you really want to.

[XxLifexX]

I'm sorry to hear about this. And it is an addiction in a way, so don't beat yourself too much about it. Have your best friend check your arms, so that way you have another motive to make yourself not cut, that's what really got me to stop. We're all here for you. feel better!

[glitterandspots]

wow. I do not remember writing this stuff and half of it doesn't make sense. oO

@Sannah no, I'm trying to get into therapy but because I don't want people (parents) knowing just yet, I have to go during schooltime.

@Abby I think I meant like cutting/annoying my upper arm instead of my wrists.. I do want to quit. I've actually done okay the past few days because I have a choir competition in four days and have to wear a short sleeved dress for it. I hate upsetting people and really don't know if I want people to know or not.

@XxLifexX I don't get to see my friends all that often :/ one was checking my wrists every so often but I'm scared that that turned into a trigger for her.

Thanks guys