It's like a monster.

I haven't cut in a month, but every single time something upsets me, I feel like I have to; it's like a monster creeping up from my lungs to my veins to my hands. I learned to cope, but every day it gets stronger. Plus, because of one bad scar on my leg I am unable to wear shorts or go swimming. Is there any way to make it go away. Please, I need help, and my parents won't pay for a therapist. You guys are my only hope...

Congrats on a month.

Addictions and the bad thoughts associated with them seem to get stronger the longer we hold off from our addiction. Eventually though, it DOES get easier to deal with and the thoughts and feelings get weaker and easier to ignore.

Do you have any coping mechanisms you've used to last this long without self injury? Can you talk to your parents about seeing a lower cost counsellor?

don't go through life in fear of a scar. I have a very good friend and i have seen her in a t-shirt and shorts. Its amazing what people notice and do not notice, I have known her for years then I said to her 'if ok to ask, how did you get those scars', and she just said, 's/i-ing'. The way she said it made me feel proud to be her friend, she is a married woman and is going to have kids and has not cut for years. She goes swimming and on holidays to hot climates and works really hard in the civil service. When i found out that the scars were s/i-ing I said 'OK , I feel comfortable being in a t-shirt and shorts'. She pointed out that a lot of people dont notice scars, depending on how old the scar is.

It amazed me. Made me look at things better.

Thank you so much, that really helped me! I may start wearing some shorts. (maybe) Baby steps(:

i am 48. i began cutting at 21 but always limited it to my left inner forearm and would cut the same area again and again. i have one wide area that could have used stitches and a couple long cuts. only once have i been asked what they were from and that was at a dr.'s office. i said "life hasnt always been so great" and that was the end of it. perhaps if you could come up with a plausable excuse for how you may have gotten the scar on your leg, have something prepared to answer people should they ask, like "i fell off my bike when i was a kid" and you were carrying a pepsi bottle. that would end any inquiries.

as for ending SI, that takes some work. i used a book called the scarred soul by tracy alderman. it costs like 16 bucks. each chapter had questions at the end to help understand your SI. it was very non threatening book, easy to work with to help understand SI. i worked it to the chapter where i had to commit to ending SI but i was not ready so stopped at that point. BUT i did not do any SI again for over 5 years. and after that it is very infrequent. its been only once in the last two years. i still think about it prob at least once a month, but the compulsion is no longer there. i no longer need razor blades in my house to feel comfortable.

the internet has all kinds of good information of things you can do instead of SI. write on yourself with red marker. squeeze an ice cube really tight. theres lots of ideas out there. something just to interrupt that impulse to cut.

hang in there. you have lots of support here.

thank you so much, that helps a lot!!

Baby Steps Indeed.
That is the key Babycds..
Cal's right there is alot of ways to gain control, and being at this site has helped me so far. I cannot see it changing.