self harmed

I had been doing well for a couple of weeks and last night I just could not cope. I si'ed ie cutting. I wanted to do more but I made myself go to sleep and that helped for last night. Hopefully I won't do it again tonight. No one knows that I did it except my mom. I told her at church. I just can't handle these emotions right now,

Sorry to hear your feelings were so overwhelming yesterday and sounds like you did a great thing in getting yourself off to sleep.

Well done also for sharing this with your mum - it can be hard to talk about can't it?

If things get tough again can you talk to your mum, or do you have a T to talk to?

Keep safe - SD

Yes it can be hard to talk about especially when u want to keep it a secret right now. I also texted my pdoc who is also my T. I kind of have plans to do it when I get home in a little bit but I will try not too.

Thanks for replying and I will try and stay safe

I did not stay safe I started doing it on my upper thigh. This is not going well. I wish I could stop but it seems like I can't. No one knows about my upper thigh. I will tell my pdoc when I call her this afternoon.

It's good to hear that you will be able to tell your pdoc today. The SI stuff just really reflects what is going on inside doesn't it? For me strong feelings / emotions that I don't understand or know how to deal with - it is a hard thing to stop because in the short term it can work - for me it allows me to switch off the thoughts / feelings and brings quick relief - it is only after when I see the mark, feel the guilt that I regret again.

I guess all we can do is to keep working at it, because I believe we don't fail until we give up trying.

Again, I am sorry you are having a hard time right now - hope your talk with pdoc is helpful to you - Thinking of you - SD

no the talk to the pdoc didn't really help but oh well. sometimes you have to go it alone and hope it gets better.

I really want to self harm on my thighs right now for some reason that I can't think of. I know it won't help in the long run but maybe in the short term I can get some relief. I need someone to talk to but there is no one right now. I don't want my mom and dad to know at least not right now. I need help

Is there anything you have tried in the past that can replace the SI or that you can use to distract you?

What emotions/issues caused the SI urges if you don't mind me asking?

Don't cut yourself! That could kill you and then your mom will be depressed and miss you! Try to get help and be open with your doctors. They wont judge you, they are here to help!

Right now it is about my friend marilyn who is never on time it seems and when she is running late I call her and wake her up some times. I just want to hang the hat up and say goodbye to our friendship. I still feel like self harm right now. Didn't do it last night because I couldn't find my sissors so i guess that was a blessing in disguise.

So when she is late you feel that she isn't respecting you?

Keep safe, don't hurt you're self because another upsets you, no matter what the circumstances.
I understand the urge's (only too well). I fight the urge's like I'm fighting the need 'not' be unhappy.
When I'm at my most down and even at my most happy, I get my own urge's. I know them well now.

It's like looking down a corridor at a door 'I know' I'm going to go through. Going through the door, 'is inevitable'. Its how I/we are on the other side that counts. So I fight my way through the urge's that the 'door' throws at me.

Door = Emotions, people, life.

I hoped this helped in any way. I am sure as preciousP says in reply that you're parents would want to know and help instead of not knowing.
Be Safe. Please.

sannah, it's like she doesn't care about my or our time together.
Precious_p, yeah that is true.
Sanada, yeah but that's what usually makes me upset. I'll try to not let it get to me.
I don't cut where it bleeds just superficial. I know even that isn't good either. I just want to get out of my skin so I'm going for a walk and try not to self harm when I get back.

I just learned of a 17 yr old was has just started the "cutting routine." She comes from a very materialistically orientated family. Her wants are never satisfied. Mom and Dad are aware of the problem but do not see the seriousness of the issue. What, if any, can I do to help. She is a beautiful girl, intelligent but is running as hard as she can into the arms of a boyfriend who consumes her waking hours.

You can say it loud, you can say it clear.
You can talk as well as you can hear,
But it is too late when we die
To say we did not see eye-to-eye.

So you think that her actions are a reflection about how she views you? And then you feel bad to think that she doesn't value you and this triggers the SI?

I guess so. i don't know anymore. anything triggers me right now. I have Borderline personality disorder and Bipolar.

Quote:

Originally Posted by teresapooh98 I guess so. i don't know anymore. anything triggers me right now. I have Borderline personality disorder and Bipolar.

hang in there teresa,

I am with you.

I fight my urges to cut.

I sucseed thanks to PC and you all in s/h...s/i forums.

Fight T, fight with me and all whom s/i...s/h.

Maybe her being late is only about her?

Sounds like you are having a rough battle. But here's something for you.

Do or do not. There is no Try.
~~Yoda (from Star Wars)