[asia71]

I have a friend who does SI. I'm very worried about her. She was molested as a child and comes from a very dysfunctional family. She is native American and is the only person in her family who has gone to college and has moved away. She is constantly sending her family money to support their drinking and gambling. She tells me its the way her people do things. They take care of eachother. She is the only one that does this. None of her brothers or sisters help monitarily with her parents. I want her to get help, but she says her people look at therapy as a weakness and she'd be ostrisized for doing so. What can I do for her? I'm always there to talk when she needs me.

[Sannah]

Originally Posted by asia71

she says her people look at therapy as a weakness and she'd be ostrisized for doing so.

This is a tough one. She has core beliefs that are interfering with her being healthy. Can you get her to start coming here? Maybe we can rub off on her?

[asia71]

I can certainly tell her about this site. Such a good idea. Thanks. I'm just so worried about her. I can only help her so much. her arms and legs look terrible. she's a beautiful person, but she has to hide herself. I hate it. I'm also pissed that her family has such control over her. I know her family uses her for money. It's so sad because, excuse me for saying this, but they are such losers. I guess this is just the way her tribe works, but to me, this is not love.

[Sannah]

You are a good friend! Dysfunctional families are something else and even more so when they can rope people in with culture.

[Xeneon]

I'm assuming you live on campus at a unviersity??? If so maybe you can inform the your school on her behavior or tell your RA? They would be able to help her get the help she needs. Plus if you live on campus and all. The counselors are not able to tell anyone that she is seeing a counselor. If she could keep the secret, then she could go easily without her parents knowing. I would also recommend you asking what tribe or what her religion is and look it up because if they are so strongly against counseling, they might acturally be against drinking and gambling. Her parents could have brain washed her so that she thinks that she can't get help because what parents wants someone else to know that they are messed up. I would look into her religion or tribe. The internet is a great resource. You may be superised what you'll find out. Take care and always remember you are doing the best you can for her.

[asia71]

I wish I were still in college! Lol. I work with her. She is Zuni. Not sure about the religious beliefs, but it seems like every member of her tribe is an alcoholic and avid gambler. The only thing I know about her "religion" is that they celebrate summer and winter equinox. Gods come down from the mountains and dance. I will research. Thanks!

[Sannah]

I think looking down on therapy is common to all cultures that haven't progressed to it. It is looked at as shameful. This belief is common across Asia too. Native Americans were very beaten down by our culture with discrimination and moving them into reservations. Coping with addictions is common when you are in a bad situation like this. Helping your family no matter what is common among many non Western cultures too. Good for her for bettering herself. She must be a very strong person.