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#1
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I si'd on Sunday, was having sui thoughts, so I knew I had to talk to my T about it. I saw T today and it wasn't as bad as I was expecting.
It was hard. I had to do a chain analysis (a dbt thing), which basically required me to write down the thoughts I was having, body sensations, emotions and actions I did leading up to cutting. I was having a really hard time with it, because I really couldn't identify what emotion went with some of the thoughts I had. T helped me realize that some of it was rage, which I never would have even considered given what my picture of rage was in my head. T reminded me that I can call or text her anytime for coaching. I told her I had thought about it, but figured she'd just tell me I needed to feel my feelings. She told me that in an instance like that, she would not have said that because she could recognize that the issue I was having was something I couldn't work through right then and there. It makes a lot of sense. Hopefully if (when) it happens again, I will realize it before I SI. |
#2
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I'm glad your T reacted so well and helped you work through your thoughts, feelings and actions. It is good having a supportive T. I hope for you that you won't SI again but if you do, you know you can call/text your T.
__________________
"People are afraid of what they might find if they try to analyze themselves too much, but you have to crawl into the wound to discover what your fears are. Once the bleeding starts, the cleansing can begin." - Tori Amos Current DX (December 2019): autism spectrum disorder, unspecified personality disorder Current RX (December 2019): Abilify 30mg, Celexa 40mg, Ativan 1mg PRN |
![]() nicoleb2, shezbut
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#3
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I'm hoping that stopping the one med I am on is going to help. It's been causing worse SI issues and suicidal thoughts. I am not taking it tonight. Gonna leave a message for my pdoc so hopefully he'll call back tomorrow.
(The med is for sleep, so i should be safe stopping it, just won't sleep... better no sleep than SI and suicidal thoughts though) |
![]() shezbut
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#4
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Sounds like a good session. Good work!
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
![]() nicoleb2
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#5
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Glad you're app't went well nicole. It sounds like you have a good plan of action to avoid s/i-ing. I do hope it works well for you.
We/I all here at pc are here for you to. Take Good Care. |
#6
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Quote:
![]() I am proud of you. |
#7
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Was up until about 3:30 this morning...
Now I'm super tired again. I am SO frustrated with this whole situation! I just want to sleep normal hours for once! I want to SI over and over and over again. At least then, the pain from it would keep me awake long enough to do something! |
#8
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__________________
"Only in the darkness can you see the stars." - Martin Luther King Jr. "Forgive others not because they deserve forgiveness but because you deserve peace." - Author Unkown |
#9
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__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
#10
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Today has been better. I saw my T and I went to dbt. I am extremely frustrated with my pdoc though.
I left him a message last week that I stopped taking doxepin because it increased my suicidal thoughts and made me so exhausted I couldn't do anything. Finally got a call back today, they had to leave a message while I was in DBT. The message said the med (a tricyclic antidepressant) should not cause worsening suicidal thoughts and I should just go to my appointment on Wednesday. He did not even address the exhaustion!! I am back to 2-3 hours of sleep a night, but at least I can function the next day. I feel like I'm going to get told it's all in my head. |
#11
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First, don't let your doc just ignore the symptoms. It's not the best way for him to treat, nor for you!!! Do not let him ignore the symptoms, it is up to you!!! I've had to deal with something similar, but didn't do what I'm saying now, worse mistake ever!
Also if he doesn't call you, call him!!! If you feel like you are not being taken seriously, then keep calling, they may get tired of you calling, but at least you have the support that you need, when you need it. Main thing, if you need to something addressed, don't be afraid to ask, and keep asking until you get a response. Besides all that, I'm so glad that you asked for help, when you needed it from your T. Keep doing that, Keep trying to live your life. Keep on coming on here. |
#12
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I see my pdoc on Wednesday so not much sleep till then I guess. I will wait till then and hope he doesn't tell me it's all in my head
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#13
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Be strong Nicole. You know how you felt on the med and how you feel off the med. Don't let him bully you.
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
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