[puzzclar]

So after a week, I tried the method again, and after a few minutes, it didn't help at all. I'm trying to do homework, and the fact that the SI didn't help, kind of wonder what happens if I can't deal with the feelings, then what??

if the SI doesn't help, and the anxiety increases again after a week, then what more can I do. I've added exercise in to my week, that seems to help with the anxiety, until today.

What next? What can I do to do the same thing as SI but still get the release?

[Omers]

I don't SI so feel free to blow me off

From my understanding SI causes the body to release endorphins which is what really causes the calm after. Our bodies can get addicted to the endorphins though just as they could a drug not created by the body. Exercise is a great alternative as it too releases endorphins. My guess though is that your body is going through a withdrawal of sorts from the endorphin rush... which is what leaves you wondering "what if this stops working". Breaking the cycle is really, really hard as our bodies will want to pull us back to equilibrium even if it isn't a healthy one.
Hang in there. You CAN beat this!!!!

[Sannah]

Originally Posted by puzzclar

the fact that the SI didn't help, kind of wonder what happens if I can't deal with the feelings, then what??

if the SI doesn't help, and the anxiety increases again after a week, then what more can I do.

Sounds like you are living in the future which is guaranteed to cause anxiety.

So SI is your lifeboat and just knowing that you have it as a last resort decreases your anxiety?

[puzzclar]

SI was my lifeboat, now I'm not sure what I have to replace that lifeboat. With the SI not helping, I've noticed a BIG change in my thinking. Almost everyday I see flashes of different ways to do real damage to me, or worse..... that's the part that scares me the most, the simple fact that I've had anxiety and these flashes for the past 3 weeks, and the flashes have continued for the past 3 months.

At this point in time, I don't have a lifeboat, and I feel like I need something so that the flashes will end with out meds. I'm stuborn, I don't want to change meds in the middle of a semester of College, with EXTREMELY difficult classes (that I should be studying for now). I see my pdoc later today, and I well....I just don't want to say that I'm struggling, I want to be just fine. I want to lie, but I know it doesn't help him to treat me. GRRRRRR I hate the inner battles that I have.....

What's another lifeboat that might just help????

[Sannah]

Therapy.

[puzzclar]

Already doing that one. oh well. got to sleep for 5 hours, then go to work, and then travel, and count, then travel back, and hopefully be in time for a few things.... wish me good luck. I might just need it.

[nicoleb2]

I really don't have any advice for you, but wanted to let you know that you are not alone. I am in a very similar situation.

[agma]

I am right there with you. SI stopped working for me, but usually I can find some way to distract myself enough to help ease the feelings, whether it be exercise, talking to someone, doing a puzzle, reading, coloring, etc. I have found that, for me, one coping mechanism isn't enough as they usually stop working for me. I have also found though that it is temporary that they don't work. I can usually come back to them after a while, and they help again. The good thing about this is that I am usually able to resist the urges to do serious damage to myself, so if cutting doesn't work, then I don't SI. I have been SI free for 2.5 weeks.

[Sannah]

Good luck!

[puzzclar]

Healing on my own now.... I'm scared but there is a way... and I'll find it. I believe that I have a plan. I think in pictures so, drawing may help. And then putting out what I think on a blog to help get the ideas so that I can see them in words, and finally come up with a written plan of how to keep myself fit, both physically and mentally. Watch for my blog to be posted, and I'll keep everyone up dated.... but it may not be in this part of the forums.

Wish me luck, I may just need it. To get around the fear of really thinking, and starting to feel feelings I haven't felt in a few years.

[Wysteria]

Good luck Puzzclar...

Will look for your blog...any clues on where it will be??
Hope your plan works..anything that gets you out of this will be great!

Safe hugs!!

Wysteria Blue

[puzzclar]

see below... it's the blue link.

[Sannah]

Did focusing on peaceful things help? Focusing on your feelings in therapy would be helpful I think. I can see how meds would make it harder to think. Chemistry, Physics and Statistics are hard subjects. How did your test go?

[puzzclar]

Physics test, I find out on Friday... I hope. Statistics well, 4% under the mean (M=80%). Not as high as I want. and Focusing only partly helped. But now, things are not good again.

[Sanada]

I have not SI since April. Thats when I found PC and members. I guess PC and members became my own lifeboat. A good life boat because since being here I have not SI.
Irl its harder though, I can understand how its hard to find distractions or alternatives to SI.
It did become addictive for myself, the chemical release was what I was addicted to. Finding PC and others to talk to about this subject was a massive step in recovery. I think I felt alienated to my 'irl' world; so coming here was a leap toward recovery.

Focusing on studies is a good thing to do, and exercise too. Talking to people who can help irl will be a good thing to. I found with a friend who I know 'irl', went through it too. Being able to talk to her about it helped loads. It came as a shock when I found out about my friend because she has always being someone I would never had guessed as going through SI. So our relationship as friends changed and it deff helped me come to terms with getting through that period of my life. She is a rock in my eyes. If she could show me that she can get through it, she doubly showed that I could too.

I hope this helped.
Good luck and remember we are here for you in PC.

[puzzclar]

what's irl???

[Wysteria]

Originally Posted by puzzclar

what's irl???

irl = In Real Life
It took me a while to figure it out too..lol

Good luck to you...hang in there...

Wysteria Blue