[Angelheart]

Today my social worker left a message on my voice mail telling me she needed to see me to do some paperwork...I already had a bad long day at work so after hearing her message the way she sounded about it just really pissed me off...So I called her and left her a voice mail and told her that if they dont want me coming there then they should just come out and say so, and not beat around the bush...I dont know why I did it...The only way to fix it is by cutting...I'm trying so hard not to...I dont know how much more of this I can take...Do you think she will be mad at me? I dont want to hurt her feelings... :-(

I know what it's like to want to die. How it hurts to smile. How you try to fit in but you can't. How you hurt yourself on the outside to try to kill the thing on the inside...*Girl Interrupted*

[Fuzzybear]

Hi Angelheart,

First, it is very good that you are trying not to cut, even though you have used it as a way to try to "fix" things in the past.

I understand how easy it can be to interpret someone's tone of voice on the phone in a way that they didn't necessarily intend. Body language can be very helpful in determining how someone is feeling! If you are open and honest with your social worker I don't think she will be mad at you. Maybe it might help if you printed out this thread and gave it to her. Just a suggestion ....

It's good to see you posting.

Take good care of you,
**Hugs**
Fuzzy

[Zenobia]

I second what fuzzy said. I would like to add that if you feel bad for what you said you can appologize to her. In doing so it will help open up the communication between you and her. It is possible she was having a bad day. If you apologize for your reaction to her message she may apologize for speaking to you as she did in her message. I am not saying to apologize for your feelings, just how you expressed them.

As far as cutting being the only way to fix things...Cutting is like alcohol. It is a temporary fix because it makes you feel better for a moment but what you were trying to escape from doesn't just go away. You will still have to face it. I hope you can find an aternative escape that will help to build your self esteem so you can face your difficulties easier.
Carrie

<font color=green>Not knowing when the dawn will come, I open every door.--Emily Dickenson