I cut my arm quite a bit this morning and last night. I'm just feeling overwhelmed & the depression is arising. I don't feel like I have anyone to talk to about my SI. I need help, but I don't have what I need to get help. For awhile now, anything makes me want to cry. I walk around almost everyday trying to mask my feelings because no one understands.

I'm honestly so tired of hearing "just pray about it." What happens when you feel like God has turned a deaf ear unto you? That's how I feel...I feel like God isn't listening to me anymore. I know I don't deserve Him to hear me anyway...I'm not worthy. I just don't know what to do anymore. The only thing that has never failed me is cutting & that's why I chose to do it.

So until I find a good enough reason to stop...then maybe I'll consider it. Until then, my razor will always come in handy.

I'm sorry about that. You can talk to us. We understand. It's better to let it out than bottle it up. Sorry if my reply is bad.

It's not...thank u happycheeks! You always reply to my posts so thanks. I just feel like crap & I don't know what will make me feel better.

Originally Posted by SoFragile88

It's not...thank u happycheeks! You always reply to my posts so thanks. I just feel like crap & I don't know what will make me feel better.

You're welcome I wish I could help cheer you up.

hugs. keep posting and i hope you feel better real soon!! x

I'm just tired of feeling like I don't have anyone. I'm there for many people and I don't mind, but what about someone being here for me genuinely. No matter how many times I hurt myself, no matter how much I may complain, no matter how strong I hold on to past hurts, no matter how depresses I am...where is that person who understands where I am now, who have been where I been? I will never have anyone here for me like a good mother is to her daughter. All I get it you want attention, You need to stop bring depressed all the time, someone has it worse than you, blah blah blah. I just feel alone...

were all here for you!!!i totally understand all of that *hugs!* x

Originally Posted by SoFragile88

All I get it you want attention, You need to stop bring depressed all the time, someone has it worse than you, blah blah blah. I just feel alone...

I can relate. I have been told by my own mother that I am attention seeking because I self harm. It's a cry for help more like. My mum has told me it's all doom and gloom with me. People don't understand. I wish people could understand why people self harm.

[kj44]

I'm thinking that you girls are on the younger side? I'm 45, I have been cutting since I was 13. The only thing that helps me is, staying busy. I've actually written my Tdoc a letter for next visit telling him, I've bought new blades. I guess Ativan helps me a bit too. Keep in contact with people like yourselves, because, I believe regular people just don't get it. It's like something has to hurt worse, I understand. Sorry you have to go through this. Hope you have a Therapist, I think that's very important.

No therapist....just me myself & I

A therapist could be able to help you.

[kj44]

Well, stay in touch with people on here! Are you in school? Possibly they have resources to get you in therapy. I read the things to do instead, on the top of our forum, there are some good things in there, my favorite is a shower. I usually end up crying, and that helps alot! I've only recently been able to do that(cry), can you cry?

It's not my choice to not have a therapist...I can't afford one. Even on a sliding scale because I have no $ & no job. I hate crying, it doesn't make me feel better. I cried a lil yesterday morning & ended up cutting. It's hard to explain my situation because nobody gets it.

[kj44]

Are you sure you don't have a free mental health clinic in your area? Well its been my experience that the more depressed you are, the more you cut. Medication helps me alot. Maybe you could go to regular walk in clinic and get some meds. I wish you the best, on my way to do the work thing, yuk! Take care

Thanks 8)

But no free mental health clinics & meds are expensive.

[kj44]

Almost all the antidepressants, are on Walmarts $4.00 generic list, FYI.

Ok thanks...sorry didn't know that

[Sanada]

hello sofragile88.

You are not Abandoned. You are Loved.
We are here for you.
There is always PC and members who understand and 'never' judge.

Take good care.

Thanks Sanada...means a lot *hugs*