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#1
Nov 17, 2011, 01:32 AM
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That's how long avoiding SI lasted. I could go into the long boring details of why, but I think why not was more important. I didn't have any reasons not to anymore.
I'm sure I'll get plenty replies saying why I shouldn't. I know all those reasons. They don't matter. I'm sure I'll get plenty of replies telling me I need a T. I know, I've heard it before. No need to waste your energy typing it. Is this just a one-time thing? Am I planning to stop? As of right now, no. Again, I don't see a reason to stop. I wasted almost an entire year avoiding it and I'm convinced that just made this past year worse. I know how this sounds. But I'm not really thinking about anything, and I don't really feel anything. That's all I ever wanted. It feels like I've sunk back into the self-destructive dark side of me...and that finally feels right. It was honestly a bit stupid of me to try to fight that side. It just made things harder. I finally realized this is just who I am... |
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#2
Nov 17, 2011, 01:48 AM
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Nemo - I'm not going to offer any advice. I am kind of at the same point...
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#3
Nov 17, 2011, 10:35 AM
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__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
 Nemo39122
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#4
Nov 17, 2011, 02:40 PM
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Quote:
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#5
Nov 17, 2011, 05:13 PM
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wow yeah i guess we are kinna in the same boat here.. i made it 11 months and 4 days. :\ oh well WTFE....
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#6
Nov 17, 2011, 05:24 PM
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I know it's hard. The only advice I have is to make a list of all the negatives of your self injury, because most of the time when we are craving it, all we can think of are the bennefits. Here's my recent list to give you an idea of what I'm talking about.
1. Hearing my dad cry outside the bathroom door begging me to not do anything. 2. Cutting while on the phone with my pastor and lying about it. 3. Snapping to, realizing there's blood everywhere and not remembering doing that much. 4. Never-ending fear that someone will find and take all my 'tools' (I hid stuff everywhere) 5. Would lose my job if employer found out. 6. Long sleeves all the time. 7. No swimming (couldn't risk someone seeing and informing employer) 8. Unintentional permanent damage to my body. 9. Loss of control over my addiction. 10. Medical expenses 11. Loss of friends, who couldn't handle watching me slowly kill myself (I wasn't trying to but lack of control was causing this) 12. God doesn't want me to. 13. Only understanding friends were those going through it, and thus I had to watch themselves in pain, and dealing with the fear of them dying from it. That is just the list so far. I don't know how severe you are hurting yourself, but honestly that doesn't matter much, because it always gets worse. You always need more pain. I remember saying the same things you are when I started hurting myself. And people gave me advice and told me to quit while I was ahead, and I ignored them, but now I am glad that there was someone trying to help me, even if I wasn't going to accept it. I care about you, and it is not a waste of my time to type this. Even if you, and others, don't heed the warnings, it will never be a waste of my time to let you know that I want to help.
__________________
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. |
| Nemo39122
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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