[Nemo39122]

How do you explain SI to someone if you think they've found out?

My mom was trying to be nice by installing my new printer while I was at a concert all day with my brother. My brother asked me to switch what CD was playing during the drive there, and since he has an iPhone that he was using to play the music I saw a text message on the screen from my mom. The text said, "Don't say anything to [my name]....what is SI?"...

The concert kept me mostly distracted, I still had it on my mind, but wasn't visibly freaking out. I'm home now. No one's brought it up, but my mom doesn't just let things go. She also has looked like she's been crying. I know she's going to bring this up sometime soon. I honestly can't see how I can lie my way out of this one. There's a little part of me that maybe wants to be honest about everything. That thinks maybe this is a way for me to finally get help. But more than anything else, I just want this to go away. I want to pretend that I never saw that text, that she never saw whatever it was on my computer that she saw. I just want this to go away...

[NuckingFutz]

Maybe you are right, the way to get help is to explain it to her... use good reputable sites like Mayo Clinics or an article on SI that you thought was informing and impressive at the same time.

If you bring this up to her, you are coming to her from a position of strength... YOU are bringing it up, YOU are answering her questions... YOU are asking for help. If you wait for her to do it, first off, you don't know what she knows and what she doesn't, where she got her info from and if that source is reliable (I know there are a lot of myths about SI out there.

Also use your SI support network.

Although I don't SI, I can epathize with you in that we both have issues that are stimatized.

Also, hang out with your support buddies after you talk to her. That's what we are here for.

[Sannah]

I think that it is a great opportunity to talk to your mom about this. Keep us posted?

[Nemo39122]

Thanks for the replies. So far she hasn't said anything about it, but I know she knows. She's just acting...different.

Late last night (and she mentioned it again this afternoon) she told me that my dad won't be here on weekends anymore and I'll rarely see him in the evenings either. The reason for this is a long complicated story, but I think the way she even found out about this was by reading something I had written that also involves me ranting about alot of stuff about my dad. I guess she assumed that stuff was the only reason for the SI. If she brings it up I don't know if I'm just going to let her think that or not.

I don't really know what to do at all, whether she brings it up or not. Right now I'm just trying to enjoy the fact that she hasn't mentioned it. Yet...

[eskielover]

The best thing to be is HONEST about everything.....but the first thing you need to be is HONEST to yourself about what is your reasons for SI'ing & I don't know, but I don't always know all my reasons for doing something. Now that I am in a DBT group, it's making me more aware of what is going through my thoughts, but before things would float in & out of my mind without really paying attention to how they were really effecting me.

The thing is that if you explain it & talk it over with your mom, the whole aspects of it that you are aware of, you will be definitely putting yourself in a stronger position. There is something empowering about being the one to explain what is happening rather than just answering questions that we are being asked.

Know it's stressful to have to deal with the issues in our life, but in the long run, it's the only way to get the help we need & start to find the strength we really need to have to live our lives is a healthy way.

Hope you will be able to think rational thoughts about the situation & really help your mom understand where you are coming from & help yourself understand yourself better in the process.

Know it's difficult, but know you can be strong enough to get through this & come out on the winning side.

[Nemo39122]

I'm seriously considering talking to her about it this weekend, probably Saturday. During the week I don't have much time at home between college and martial arts, which has been a good thing because I've had time to think this through a bit. It's easier to say I'll talk to her than it is to actually talk to her though, and I don't have much time between now and the weekend to completely decide how I'm going to do this.

[Sannah]

I really hope that you talk to her about it.........

[skeksi]

Did you talk to your mom? I you did, I hope she was supportive and accepting of the struggle you are going through right now.

[Nemo39122]

No, I haven't. I keep thinking that if she knows it's not all because of my dad, she won't make him leave (He's moving out, mostly because of all of this). I'm also kind of feeling like there's no point, that nothing good can come from it and that I don't care anyway.

[Sannah]

Having things out in the open is always better.

[SoupDragon]

I think SI is a very difficult thing for family and friends to understand - I SI and even I can't make sense of it at times - others can think that it is connected to wanting to end it all and therefore it can be quite frightening.

What I have learned is , although I am very secretive about my SI (only my T knows and he doesn't know teh details of where / how I do it) - it really in many ways is not the important bit - the important bit is what leads to is.

So maybe you could sit with your mum and tell her about all the stuff up to the point of the SI, not sure what those bits are for you, but for me they are intense feelings, not knowing how to control them, feeling distressed by them, powerless etc. etc. etc. That way you can share with her the important bits without focusing on the SI which in the end is just the end result of all the important stuff.

Of course depending on the severity of the SI it can become the priority, so do keep yourself safe.

I would think that as your mum has asked yoru brother about it, that she may have even doen a bit of reading herself, so maybe she would be more prepared to talk about it with you than you think? But obviously you know your mum and I don't.

I do know for me that it has been years of bottling things up and not knowing how to talk about my needs that has led to my SI - I am slowly unravelling all of this with my T.

Good luck with talking to your mum - let us know how you are - Soup

[Sannah]

Maybe you are just getting at the end of your rope with everything? Maybe it is finals or Christmas? Do you have a therapist?