[SupernaturalLover]

that my SI was just something I did on occasion now and not everytime that I got urgy. I only went 3 weeks this go, which is horrible for me. I had a massive SI binge tonight that lasted hours and hours and I probably need to go to the ER for stitches but I can't bring myself to do it twice in less than a month. The main one is where I typically SI: vertically in the middle of my wrist. Last time I exposed tendon. I did this time as well not to mention I went deeper and blood gor absolutely everywhere. And on the others I exposed a good deal of fat and it gapes a lot. I am so ashamed of myself for losing control this way. It feels too familiar that I am heading back to where I was a couple of years ago. And on the one hand I want the comfort of SI-ing everyday but I am afraid of getting to that point again. I'm scared and I don't know what to do or how to stop this before it gets out of hand.

[roads]

SupernaturalLover, we meet again! It's me, Roadrunner.

This isn't the time to smack yourself & shake your finger in your face. Do the responsible thing & get to an ER. What's done is over with, deal with that later. There's just no reason to have more damage down the road than is necessary.

The middle aged & older man in your future will thank you, brash youth! Go!

Please.

[SupernaturalLover]

I think I can take care of it. I didn't nick it or anything. I am terrified to getting sucked back in to doing it all the time.

heh hello again to you roadrunner.

[roads]

I think there's a reason I couldn't sleep & finally got up & back on line. You do need to get this session attended to, from your description. You don't want to lose the use of your wrist.

Please, SNL. Part of trying to get this under control up front is dealing with the consequences after the fact. Take care of yourself properly. Put the entire process into perspective, so that eventually you will be able to care for yourself before you cut.

Does that make any sort of sense?

[SupernaturalLover]

yeah that makes sense. I am going to ring the ER and ask if I need to go or if I can take care of it. Thanks Roadrunner

[SoupDragon]

SupernaturalLover - I am sorry you are having such a hard time with SI right now - I know it can be so hard to resist those urges and then deal with the guilt afterwards.

I do agree with roadrunner, you need to take care of yourself now - it sounds from your post that you do need medical assistance. The reason deep wounds need stitching, it to promote faster healing before infections set in (other reasons too) - this sounds deeper than just a scratch, so please find that same strength from somewhere and get yourself to ER - we do all understand on here how difficult it can be and are supporting you in this.

Please keep safe, Soup

[roads]

Please let me know. Here, or PM is fine.
Roadrunner

[SupernaturalLover]

Just got off the phone with the ER going over the SI. Told me that if there is no fraying on the tendon or nicks it'll be fine. Like last time I didn't hit it just showed it. And if I am dead set against going that it can be managed without stitches, although they recommend it.

Thanks so very very much guys. I know it seems I only post when everything goes ***** over mouth, but I have no one to talk to about it. My family is unsupportive and have deluded themselves into thinking it's in the past. The one friend I could talk to it about openly I'd hate to upset again in such a short amount of time. And the other SI board I am apart of can be a critical bunch at times.

[roads]

Originally Posted by SupernaturalLover

the other SI board I am apart of can be a critical bunch at times.

... whereas I'm only manageably bossy, eh?
Okay, SNL.

But I sure wish you'd get that seen to. When you're my age & can't open a pickle jar ... your 3-yr old great grand daughter has to open a pickle jar for you ...

Well, just remember that I told you so! (well, nutz, no smilies with the appropriate sarcastic grin on it, wouldn't you know ...)

I like ya, kid. Take a little care, will ya?

Roadrunner

[SupernaturalLover]

thank you roadrunner that means a lot to me. Bossy and caring is different than witchy with a b.

[SoupDragon]

Originally Posted by SupernaturalLover

Just got off the phone with the ER going over the SI. Told me that if there is no fraying on the tendon or nicks it'll be fine. Like last time I didn't hit it just showed it. And if I am dead set against going that it can be managed without stitches, although they recommend it.

Thanks so very very much guys. I know it seems I only post when everything goes ***** over mouth, but I have no one to talk to about it. My family is unsupportive and have deluded themselves into thinking it's in the past. The one friend I could talk to it about openly I'd hate to upset again in such a short amount of time. And the other SI board I am apart of can be a critical bunch at times.

Really glad you spoke to ER - is there even a small part of you that could get you down there so they could have a proper look?

SI is "just" a coping strategy to deal with feelings, are you able to post on here when you are having a hard time, before the SI kicks in?

Thanks for letting us know that you spoke to ER - take care of you - Soup

[SupernaturalLover]

thanks soup. My gran gets off work soon, there'd be no way of going without her finding out, and the drama of that would only exacerbate things at this point. If looks poorly tomorrow I'll go by a clinic when she goes off to work. Being online and talking helps a great deal. I'll make an effort to get on here when I get urgy alongside my other distraction tecniques.

[SoupDragon]

Originally Posted by SupernaturalLover

thanks soup. My gran gets off work soon, there'd be no way of going without her finding out, and the drama of that would only exacerbate things at this point. If looks poorly tomorrow I'll go by a clinic when she goes off to work. Being online and talking helps a great deal. I'll make an effort to get on here when I get urgy alongside my other distraction tecniques.

That would be so great if you could use this site more when things are hard going - hugs to you - Soup

[Sannah]

SNaturalL, do you have a therapist?

[SupernaturalLover]

No but I am currently looking for one. I am trying to establish if my insurance covers therapists. There website is very non-helpful in that reguard.