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Old Dec 15, 2011, 01:47 AM
Anonymous32476
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So I ended up cutting earlier in the evening on my arm & it was the 2nd time I've ever went as deep as I did. Well it was deep to me. It wasn't to the point of needing to go to the ER, but I will admit the cut is wide open. Open enough to see the dried up blood & if I clean it...you can see the white meat. I always wanted to cut deep like that, but never had the courage. I guess I was that upset or whatever I was feeling at the moment that it just happened. Is it crazy that I want to do more like it? I've even tried 3 more times & was unsuccessful 8(

Something about it fascinates me & I'm even more fascinated by the nice scar it will leave. Crazy? Maybe, but whatever.

Last edited by darkpurplesecrets; Dec 15, 2011 at 05:22 AM. Reason: added trigger icon....
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  #2  
Old Dec 15, 2011, 02:03 AM
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roads roads is offline
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Did you need to cut that deep just to cut? Or for a reason so powerful that it drove the blade that deep? What about the cut, and the scar to come, fascinates you so? How does it relate to the reason you cut--or does it?

If anything about this felt significantly different, it's probably important to really explore it & try to figure out what's going on, do you think?

Roadrunner
  #3  
Old Dec 15, 2011, 02:15 AM
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nicoleb2 nicoleb2 is offline
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I have been cutting deeper and deeper latly, but it has been because I need to go deeper to get the feelings that i used to get with shallower cuts
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  #4  
Old Dec 15, 2011, 03:04 AM
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SoupDragon SoupDragon is offline
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Hi sofragile, thanks for sharing.

I have had episodes of SI and for me I know when I am in that place, my head is playing tricks with me - that self destructive part becomes more powerful and takes over. Now that my head is more in control I really don't want to SI and the scars although minor, look alien to me. I wish I didn't have them.

Do you know what feelings you had or anything in your life that has happened, that led to the SI? I don't know whether you have a T, but I think SI can be a hard thing to tackle on your own.

Please keep safe and if the wound is gaping consider medical attention - Soup
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  #5  
Old Dec 15, 2011, 09:09 AM
Anonymous32476
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Thank you all for replying. I think that I was feeling overwhelmed by thoughts & feelings that are attached to situations & people in my life. I didn't want to cry so I cut & my hand just kinda did it's own thing with how hard I was pressing the razor against my skin.

I have a T...actually going go see her this evening. If she asks did I cut I will tell her but other than that I won't bring it up.
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  #6  
Old Dec 15, 2011, 10:43 AM
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Sannah Sannah is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SoFragile88 View Post
I was feeling overwhelmed by thoughts & feelings that are attached to situations & people in my life.
Please talk to your T about this ^ tonight. Please stay safe and keep us posted on how you are doing.
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Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........

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  #7  
Old Dec 15, 2011, 11:35 AM
Anonymous32476
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Originally Posted by Sannah View Post
Please talk to your T about this ^ tonight. Please stay safe and keep us posted on how you are doing.
I'll try not to avoid it & keep you posted. I'm feeling a bit triggered now, but I'm not going to do anything since I'm at school.
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  #8  
Old Jan 01, 2012, 02:16 PM
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virtualhugs95 virtualhugs95 is offline
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when i made my first deep cut, i wanted more because it made me feel a whole lot better than other more shallow ones.
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