[WePow]

So everything is going great this week as far as my emotional health is concerned. But I want to do something I know is SI. I know I feel the need to SI when things are too stressful or painful. But why must I want to do them when I am feeling very well?

It is almost like I am waiting for the bottom to drop out, so if I SI it feels like I can't be disappointed by whatever happens outside my control.
Just wondered if others had this same pattern?

[sarahplainandshort]

I've felt that, too, sometimes. For me, it seems to be an almost completely buried, but overwhelming anxiety about things going so well. Because, like you said, when will the bottom drop out? I think it's almost like pushing someone away before they can abandon you--I can SI so the real pain in the external world doesn't catch me by surprise. It feels like taking control of the situation in some way. For me, anyway.

[Sannah]

Maybe waiting for the bottom to drop out is causing anxiety and this is what is causing the SI urges? Those with PTSD seem to share this fear. I have heard others term it "waiting for the other shoe to drop". It must be a type of hypervigilence?

I would think that grounding yourself in the moment and being very aware of this feeling would help? Like tell yourself "yes, I am waiting for the bottom to drop out but this is because I was always hypervigilent long ago when I wasn't in safe situations. I am safe now. I don't need to be hypervigilent."

For myself, just making this distinction, in the moment, helped a lot. It is like making the subconscious conscious and we all know how helpful that is.

[puzzclar]

It does happen that way, and as we all know SI is an addiction. And some times we don't need to be feeling miserable to SI, if it's gone that far.

[ickydog2006]

When I was at my worst I had to SI every morning, that way I could press and open it up if I was at school and couldn't get to a bathroom right away.

[WePow]

Thanks tons for the replies. It does make me feel a lot more "normal" and I know this is just something that comes with the SI issues.

[Abby]

I don't know if this is similar to how you are as you say you are 'waiting for the bottom to drop out'....but I have hurt myself when feeling good also...I think, for me at least, it is about having any 'uncontrolled' emotion good or bad. I think being able to recognise how you feel and what that makes you think/respond is important...because self awareness can stop any impulsive actions and maybe if you get why you want to self harm you can think of alternatives...