Any stories of hope?

Hello, I found this site in my own personal research on self-injury recently and decided to create an account, it appears to be a very useful, supportive and helpful forum for those looking for help or doing research. I suppose I should start off by saying that I myself do not self-injure; but a person who was very special to me in the past did (cutting). She does not speak to me anymore, its been at least 6 months since I last heard from her in any capacity; I won't go into the details of that, but I still care, worry and think of her often. It breaks my heart even to this day to wonder that she still might be self-injuring. I work in law enforcement and they make us take training in various subjects. One of them recently was in suicide prevention which entailed noticing certain signs, symptoms, statements, etc that people may give. Thinking back at the conversations with my friend, its clear she was truly suffering. However back when we were friends, I didn't think much of it, I didn't have the training I now have, and thought that if she just talked to me that she'd be fine and would stop cutting (I'm guilty of having a big ego sometimes ).

Anyway, my only hope is that she finds happiness. The last I heard from her she was going through a very stressful time which is the last thing she needed. She's had a very hard life and yet is such a wonderful person; I tried my hardest to make her realize that but she didn't think highly of herself even though she has so much to offer the world. So I guess my questions are:

1. Is there any hope for her to get better and improve her life, or is it one of those things like "once an alcoholic always an alcoholic" (that's another thing too, she drank too much - even though I told her the dangers of drinking excessively through my own experience of seeing what it did to members within my extended family when I was younger).

2. Is it possible she can get better without the help of a psychologist? (I failed in my attempts to help however I was never qualified to help in the first place, in my opinion she needed professional help i.e. a psychologist/therapist, but she had bad experiences with them in the past and was reluctant to go even though I was willing to pay for her sessions since she didn't have the extra money for it)

The sense of helplessness I have when I think of her or if I'm reminded of her in some way really hurts. I know its not my problem whether she gets better or not, and the natural thing to have done is just to forget about her since she is never going to talk to me again, but at the same time its hard to just not care about someone who you once cared for (at least for me). It would be great to hear some stories of hope from those who suffered the same problem she has. I'm not sure if this is the correct specific forum for it but I'm sure I'm not the only person who has come here for a friend. Self-injury is a painful thing to see a friend go through, I'll never understand the reasons for it other than from a theoretical standpoint, but I hope that those who do self-injure find happiness and peace with themselves at some point, so that they can eventually stop

First of all Archimondrix, bless you for caring! I hope your friend has found her way to professional help, for this is a problem that is seldom cured through self help measures.

I am very happy to see that as a law enforcement officer you are looking to educate yourself on something that is seldom understood and too often misunderstood by the "establishment" - law enforcement, healthcare, etc. Self harm or self injury as it is now referred to is NOT a suicide attempt. It is an attempt by the person who is injuring to decrease anxiety that has reached an unbearable or unacceptable level. The only way their emotions were addressed in the past were with scorn, or in some way that caused them pain, so in some way, cutting makes perfect sense to them. Feeling the actual emotion is too scary but feeling physical pain is something they can deal with, and, in many cases of abuse, is familar to them.

Working with a client who self injures and trying to help them experience the feelings is a long process that requires infinite patience on the part of the therapist. He/she must be warm, caring, compassionate, patient and be able to model the type of relationship the patient never had. He must be able to deal with repeated setbacks and constant feelings of worthlessness on the part of the client, all the while celebrating small victories - a day without self injury, a week without self injury, a session when the client hands over the razor blades she's been hoarding for a month.

What can you do in your job in law enforcement when confronted by someone who has self injured? By all means - ask her if she intended to commit suicide - that's appropriate considering the injury. But if she tells you she self injures, try to shift gears just for a moment and believe her. She may appear dazed - some self injurers "blank out" after injuring. Ask her if she's done it before - she will probably show you her scars. Ask her how she's feeling now. Ask her if she wants to call her therapist - she probably has his/her number programmed on her cell phone. I know you'll probably have to take her to the hospital, but TALK to her - don't pretend she's not there. I have friends who have been transported to the psych unit who had police officers talk over their heads and ignore them for the entire trip. Please don't be like that!

As far as the "once an alcoholic" no that's not true, either about alcoholics or people who self injure. I used to drink, and I don't anymore and have no desire to do so. And I use to self injure, and don't anymore either, and also have no desire to do so. It took a lot of time and a very patient, caring therapist and a loving family but I am healthy and happy and injury free.

Any more questions, feel free to post again. I would be more than happy to answer.

Yes, you can get better from all addictions and yes, you need the help of a therapist to get there.

Thank you for the post Towanda, reading it made my day . It is good to hear you were able to overcome your self-injury and it gives me hope that my friend can as well.