[gnomy476]

My emotions have been way too unstable. This period of unstable emotions usually occur over the summer, when I'm home all day, every day until school starts. I went to a therapist and talking to her helped a little, but not a lot. Ever since January, my emotions have been out of control. Sometimes I'm angry beyond recognition, then depressed or anxious and once the feelings subside, a wave of shame overwhelms me. Yesterday, I got home from school and locked myself in my room. I literally cried for 2 hours nonstop. And I feel like I couldn't deal with it and started cutting myself, again. I was also thinking about suicide. I felt like I was being tortured and I wanted it to stop. Sometimes when I'm like this, I feel like I'm suffocating, like there's no air, and I can't think clearly. All coherent thought is lost in the sea of emotions. I know this is stupid but sometimes little things trigger it. What triggered it yesterday was really stupid. It was my boyfriend's birthday and a lot of people posted "Birthday wishes" on his Facebook wall. And no one wished me a happy birthday on my birthday, except 3 people. And he usually texts me after school and he didn't this time, so I decided to text him and ask him 'what's up' and he said he was talking to people. I got pissed. This is a long distance relationship and the fact that we barely see each other and that he could be talking to me, but instead he's talking to his friends, whom he can see every single day, pissed me off. I felt like no one cared for me and yes, sadly I suffer from social anxiety and depression and making friends is a hard task for me...therefore, I have no friends, except 3 (including my boyfriend). I was really upset yesterday. I really was...It was worse than other times. I came really close to killing myself. And I feel bad for ruining my boyfriend's birthday because he got really scared and was ready to call the cops or my house. I don't know what's wrong with me...my parents...I can't trust them. They think I need Jesus in my heart and my lack of devotion to him is what's making me feel depressed. And I told them to take me to a therapist again and my dad took me to a physician instead. I'm desperate....and I feel beyond miserable. And no, writing down my feelings doesn't help, I like to write but not so frequently. And I've lost insterest in most things. I haven't watched TV and I've been locked in my room since last week. Eating comforts me. That's the only thing that makes me feel better. Sadly, my boyfriend doesn't. He tries but he doesn't know I'm paranoid about him. I keep thinking he's gonna cheat on me or that's he flirting with girls. Even though, I know this isn't the case. I feel like my last relationship screwed me over. I started feeling like this after I broke up with my ex-bf. He was a manipulator, bossy son of a b****. He treated me like a sex slave rather than a girlfriend. And most of my anger generates whenever I dont have control of a situation. What can I do..?

[Puffyprue]

(((((((((((((((gnomy476))))))))))

On facebook people just trying to be nice by wishing you a happy birthday because there's a reminder there, and maybe 3 people that wishes u a happy birthday its because they do remember your birthday, you know what iam talking about

Can you make a journal? like you write about thing that upset you and write your automatic thought and then how do you feel about it and the write reasonable reason and then how you feeling in the end.
for example :
event :
You are mad because your bf didnt text you after school and prefer to talk to somebody else

Automatic thought :
Sad ( __%)
Mad(__%)
Suicidal (__%)
And ect

Positive thinking :
Its his birthday maybe he is in the middle of the crowd with people wishes him a happy birthday
You both could talk later
And ect

The result :
Sad ( __%)
Mad(__%)
Suicidal (__%)

Something like that , usually it helps especially when you are a lone and Calling your therapist everytime you feel suicidal

Hope it help

[Sannah]

Hi gnomy, it is really important that you get back into therapy. Did you mention a therapist to the doctor or did he mention it? Why did you stop therapy before?