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Old Apr 22, 2012, 05:43 PM
Maliya's Avatar
Maliya Maliya is offline
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Member Since: Sep 2011
Posts: 28
Possible Trigger Warning.

I used to SH between the ages of 13 and 17 pretty consistently. I have depression and anxiety and have been in therapy working on issues through out that time.

This past month has been incredibly difficult, and for whatever reason last night I got really drunk, did some stupid things and ended the night by hurting myself for the first time in years. It wasn't that "bad" (aka deep) but there are a lot of marks... and Im going to be unable to wear shorts or a bathing suit for awhile. Im seriously so ashamed of myself, I can't even begin to tell you. I know better! I know better but I did anyways.

How do I start to move on, and forgive myself? How do I start the count over, how do I deal with all the people I know I just hurt? I feel awful. Just awful.
__________________

Female, 20, queer/questioning
Dx: Anxiety & Depressive Disorder
Rx: 80 mg Prozac, 5 mg Abilify


be gentle with yourself.
you are a child of the universe
no less than the trees and the stars;
and whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

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  #2  
Old Apr 22, 2012, 06:36 PM
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mazing mazing is offline
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Member Since: Dec 2011
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,537
Setbacks are hard but they do happen. Try to remember that it does not mean that you have fallen - just stumbled and you can pick yourself up again.

Honestly, I believe that it just takes time to move on. Re-evaluate where you stand and the reasons that you chose to stop SH. Take it one moment at a time and keep trying, using the support network around you including your therapist. While it can be hard, I am sure those around you will understand if you explain it to them. People generally get hurt and concerned when a person does not want to change a self destructive action, but from your post it does not seem like you are at that point. You don't appear to want to continue to harm yourself.

Try to remember:

"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, "I will try again tomorrow". ~ Marry Anne Radmacher
  #3  
Old Apr 23, 2012, 08:21 AM
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Sannah Sannah is offline
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Member Since: Jul 2008
Posts: 19,179
Hi Maliya, getting drunk makes it harder to stay in control. Are you still in therapy?
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Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........

I'm an ISFJ
  #4  
Old Apr 23, 2012, 09:59 PM
Maliya's Avatar
Maliya Maliya is offline
Member
 
Member Since: Sep 2011
Posts: 28
^ Yes I am.

Thank you for the responses.
__________________

Female, 20, queer/questioning
Dx: Anxiety & Depressive Disorder
Rx: 80 mg Prozac, 5 mg Abilify


be gentle with yourself.
you are a child of the universe
no less than the trees and the stars;
and whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Hugs from:
Sannah
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