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#1
Apr 12, 2012, 02:44 PM
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I'm being pulled apart. There's too much energy in me and I don't know how to release it. I've been doing well this past week. Upped the meds and they finally started working but now I spent twenty minutes in the bathroom rocking myself back and forth very dangerously and I feel the need to hurt myself very bad. I need to do something. I don't know what. I can't stay with one thing. I don't know what to do.
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 jenluv, Puffyprue, WePow
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#2
Apr 12, 2012, 02:51 PM
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Okay, I'm going to a pub with two friends. No alcohol for me and constant supervision. It's gonna be alright. I hope.
Last edited by ba.ll.oo.n; Apr 12, 2012 at 02:51 PM. Reason: spelling |
| Puffyprue
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#3
Apr 15, 2012, 07:27 AM
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How'd it go? How are you doing today?
__________________
Sorrow drips into your heart through a pinhole; just like a faucet that leakes and there is comfort in the sound.- Death Cab For Cutie |
 ba.ll.oo.n, Sannah
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#4
Apr 19, 2012, 03:28 PM
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Oh, I haven't noticed your reply, SupernaturalLover. I manged to go through the week without acting on the urges. Yay.
 ----- MAY TRIGGER: On Monday, I had an appointment with my pdoc. I mentioned the return of the urges and she brushed it off as something that just would be there. OK. But today, it's the strongest it's been since my sui attempt. It's been exactly two months today. I banged my head with my fist and bit myselft. I have no idea why I do this. I don't want to do this but there is this dark part of me that wants it. Needs it. Deserves it. I want to scream but can't. I don't know whether to call my pdoc and tell her. Or whether to go to a hospital. I don't want to kill myself again but I don't know if I won't overdose. I don't want to die. I want to live. Just without this pain. Not to be myself. |
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#5
Apr 22, 2012, 07:00 AM
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I am glad to hear that it went well
Explain exactly how concerned you are about these urges. If she still brushes you off start looking for another pdoc. You need someone that will listen and be supportive, not dismissive about something you are struggling with. And if you are feeling this way quite seriously and feel unsafe and the need to overdose definitely go to the hospital. Explain what you are feeling and they can put you on observation for a day or so. Take care HUGGLES
__________________
Sorrow drips into your heart through a pinhole; just like a faucet that leakes and there is comfort in the sound.- Death Cab For Cutie |
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#6
Apr 23, 2012, 07:00 AM
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The urges went away for now. Yay!
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#7
Apr 23, 2012, 08:25 AM
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Do you have a therapist?
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
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#8
Apr 23, 2012, 10:42 AM
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How often do you have them? I'm curious for my own sake since I'm just discovering a pattern of cyclical si urges.
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#9
Apr 23, 2012, 11:15 AM
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Sannah: No, I don't have a therapist yet. I need to find one paid for by my insurance (and those are rare to find) plus it took me a very long time to gather the courage to phone one. But I finally did call and I may be getting a therapist by May (there is some screening needed to determine first that I really need therapy).
Jenluv: Well, once I started they kept coming approx. once in every three weeks. Then I attempted sui, started taking sertraline and the urges disappeared. That was two months ago. The setraline is working great (dx F32.1) and I thought the si urges were just another product of depression until they came back a week ago. Now I keep thinking whether the si is another problem, separate from the depression? Because I don't think I am in that horrible place anymore where they were needed. I So why have they come back? So many questions. |
| Sannah
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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