I can't stop hurting myself

I really can't!

It started with just the odd pushing sharp implements into my hands and fingers. Then it became a weekly thing. Then a daily thing. Then hitting my head on things. I think I have screwed my head up with this. My eyes hurt and my head hurts and I have a wee bump on my forehead. This is a daily thing. I then punch walls and furniture. This too is a daily thing. I bite my nails...... 1 of my SW's says this is self harming in it's own way. I bite my nails all the time and have done since well forever. I have bite them till they bleed. I have used a cuticle pusher thing on my nails without soaking them in warm water and it has ripped the skin off of my nails which has bled and was really sore. I slap myself. I punch myself.

I feel so embarrassed as I am an adult. I should not be doing this and I should be able to find a way in which I can express my thoughts/feelings and emotions without hurting myself. But I don't and can't and I am scared people will think less of me for this if they found out!

I am writing here as I am hoping someone in this section will understand me as I don't feel I am understood in RL!

Hi Miss Laura, sorry things are feeling difficult for you right now. I SI, although it has improved over the last year or so, think it is due to my seeing my T.

I think it is quite a complex thing in many ways - yet also simple in that it is a mechanism we have learned to deal with difficult thoughts / feelings - if that is the only strategy we have, then that is the one we will use.

I also know those self critical thoughts - I should be this or that. But it is also like saying you "should" know how to drive a care before you have even had any lessons, if we don't know other ways of dealing with overwhelming stuff, then we just don't.

I wonder if there are any kind things you can do for yourself today?

Sending warm wishes your way - Soup

Hey Soup,

Today I have punched a tiled wall in the kitchen. But I am ok! That is all I have done today. I am actually still in my bed maybe I am just hiding so not to hurt myself I don't know?

Have your social workers been helping you with this ^ ?

I don't have social workers I have support workers. I am working on my thoughts at the moment. I have "homework sheets" on that, that I am working through. My Support Workers are Mental Health trained so they have given me sound advice. Plus 1 of my SW's has Bipolar himself. So he can relate to me a lot. Another 1 of my SW's Mum is Bipolar so she can definately help me in the emotions side to the illness etc!

Do you have a therapist also?

Hey there,

I have a Community Psychiatric Nurse (CPN) who I see on a monthly basis. I am getting to see him again in 2 weeks time though cause of feeling so low.

(((((((((((((((( Miss Laura ))))))))))))))))

((((((((((Miss Laura))))))))))))

I hope hiding in bed is a safe place for you Miss Laura. Soup

Thank you Soup,

Yes.... but maybe too safe as I don't like leaving it.

I have family coming over in an hour or so, so I am up showered and looking like I have been up for hours and hours!

I think when things are overwhelming a place can never be too safe. Well done for being able to get yourself up and put your "armour" on to face the family. Maybe a helpful distraction at least for a little while?

Hope you are able to keep yourself safe for the rest of the evening - Soup

Thank you Soup,

Hoping things improve tomorrow