[FireBird]

In the last few months I have been self injuring by cutting, taking too many pills (I wanted to take over 50 Klonopin but only ended up taking 10), punching myself in the head and banging my head against the wall. I want to do more than that. I have swirling thoughts in my blank head. The voices are telling me to do these things for a purpose. Things are set in stone, predetermined world. The birds fly high in the sky, their movements means something. My psychologist threatened to take me to the hospital and I refuse. There is something wrong with my loxapine. There are cameras, tracking chips, and nanobots to do horrible things to me. I hear voices telling me to hurt myself and even kill myself. There are times to be honest, that I have the razor blade right at my wrist ready to slit it. There was a long time that I didn't self injure. About 6 months. I can't breathe. My movements are slowed. I look down while walking. I run outside though to run from the cloaked cloned snipers. I have nothing but stress. I don't know what to do. I feel like cutting deeper. I feel like hitting my head so hard that I get unconscious. I believe I don't need medicine. I am just depressed. My body aches. They are in the walls, my monitor, even the engine of the car. Half the time I am shaking and can't sit still and other times I am perfectly still with no awareness of what is going on around me. I was going to use a hammer against my head. So, that is what is going on at this second.

[Sannah]

Firebird, it sounds like you really need to work with your psychologist. The birds' movements mean nothing except that they want to get somewhere. There are no snipers, no monitors, etc. You need to work with your therapist to get in touch with reality. Please don't continue to get lost in your head. Please try to increase connection to real people and real activities in the real world. Please continue to keep us posted on how you are doing.

[FireBird]

I saw my psychologist yesterday. She threatened to take me to the hospital. She also called me delusional. I don't like being called delusional because that would mean I am psychotic. Yes I do have schizoaffective disorder but right now I am very depressed. I believe it's mainly my depression that is causing me to self injure. I am in the process of finding a new psychiatrist because the old one really didn't work. We kept on fighting every step of the way because several times she implied that I was making everything up. My current psychologist says there is no way that is true. She believes me and is an expert on autism. Thank you for helping me.

[puzzclar]

I know what you mean. It's really hard, and yes the depression and cutting are related.

Keep in mind, sometimes acceptance is very hard. Or at least the delusions where/are hard for me to accept. I hate them and I end up taking it out on myself. Not a great way to live but at least I'm making it through.