just didn't make it. i felt very invalidated last night.
sliced my ankle. i just needed to see the blood. be in control.
my pain was too too deep to try and connect with. finally figured it out. i am feeling like a nobody all over again. annihilated.
the bad part is, i am not feeling bad about the cutting. i am feeling like i want to be a jigsaw puzzle.
i will probably cut again tonight.

[GypsyRosalie]

i understand your need to cut but i wish you wouldnt. cuts leave scars. scars are hard... a lot harder than creating them... but i get it. i know you dont need lecturing...

alex

[eskielover]

Can you write about what is really causing you the pain so that maybe we can help you work through it. I know some problems are the way we perceive things are happening which there may be another way of looking at something. I also know that some things really do hurt & there is no other way to look at them, but also when we can talk through that hurt, I have found that talking eases the pain inside of me. I don't SI, but when I get in stressful situations I'm not able to eat & the anorexia issues it causes are just a different form of SI without external scars other than the central line surgery marks from having to have IV nutrition.

What made you feel invalidated last night? Who & what situation made you feel like a nobody all over again? I know that is a horrible feeling to deal with & I also know that we aren't a nobody & that our feelings & experiences are important.

Life itself is a jig saw puzzle.....we have to put the pieces of our life together in order for it to make any sense to us......starting to work through thoughts & emotions & understanding the feelings is a good place to start....it helps the feelings keep from getting so intense that the only relief is the pain from cutting.