I freaked myself out

I cut myself too deep and it really freaked me out. I can't believe I cut so deeply. I have never done that before. I had to go to the emergency room, and that was like hell on earth. Thats never happened to me before with SI. I feel like I have failed myself as I have been doing so well the last couple of weeks, and it was just such a small thing that pushed me over the edge. Thinking back now, there is a ton of things I could have done instead... why is it so hard to think of other things to do when SI is about to happen?

I am so sorry Ally. However I am glad that afterward you recognized other coping skills you could have used. That is a huge step. Unfortunately, at the time, the one that came to mind was cutting. It takes time to use newer skills and sometimes we revert back to the old ones.

Don't be hard on yourself. You coped in the best way you could at the t ime. Keep practicing the other methods you mentioned that you could have done instead. Eventually they will come to mind first.

Good luck and don't be discouraged.

That's a scary experience. I've never had to go to the ER from cutting (nor from anything else either) but I do know what it's like to cut too deep unexpectedly (though in my case I was drunk and didn't feel the pain)...

Sometimes it seems like SI is the *only* thing to do. You know about the coping mechanisms but you dont want to do them because it's the SI you want.I think at times like this the 'addictive' nature of SI comes into play because you feel you need to SI and nothing else will work... in my case I want the pain, I want to see the blood and the cuts. How could distractions such as having hot baths remove that? even if I work through it at one point, the urge builds up day after day until I even dream about it.

So you're not alone in giving into SI, remember it was just a slip-up and you did well getting through those two weeks without SI, and you can do it again. if you can , maybe consider limitingthe sharpness of the things you use so that the same amount of damage can't be done again. Or maybe you will modulate it next time anyway and not allow yourself to inflict bad wounds because of the fright you got this time. Please take care anyway, and look after your wounds.

Thank you for your replies. I am trying real hard not to be so hard on myself, but am finding that difficult. I am really nervous about going to see my psychiatrist in the morning, and what she might say. eek...

Ally

Ally