[Ticli-Otops]

So, I've been trying to stop cutting. I was proud of myself, because I hadn't done it in 3 weeks.(this is a HUGE deal for me.) But today, I was really lonely...and no one wanted to be around me, so it just left me to think about EVERYTHING that's going on in my life. After a while, I had an emotional breakdown. I started thinking about how it would be so much better if I just didn't exist, and that everyone would be so much better off without me. I really truly just wanted to die. I was in my bathroom and saw a brand new razor, and I started shaking. The first thing I did was start crying, then I grabbed it. When I got into my room, I started completely destroying my arm. I didn't even realize what I was doing until half of my bed was completely covered in blood. I felt horrible for doing it, but it gave me the release I needed. Once I realized what I was doing, I kept telling myself to stop and that it isn't worth it. But no matter what I told myself...I couldn't stop. Nothing was good enough, and I just needed more. I am still dying to do it, again. I know that I shouldn't do it. But I feel like I HAVE to do it, again. Can anyone help? Whenever I feel like I need it, and I don't do it...I always get really bad suicidal thoughts that start to control what I do, after a while. Please. I need someones help ASAP.

[Sannah]

Good job going for 3 weeks. How did you know that no one wanted to be around you?

[Ticli-Otops]

Originally Posted by Sannah

Good job going for 3 weeks. How did you know that no one wanted to be around you?

Anyone I have ever tried to be around told me that they didn't want to be around me.

[Sannah]

Yikes! They used those words? There are nicer people out there.

[grey_aj]

If those people have told you that they don't want to be around you, then *they* are the ones not worth hanging out with. There are people out there who would love to be around you, you just need to find them.

Good job on going three weeks, are you getting professional help? Maybe that way you'll be able to figure out how to stop having suicidal thoughts if you don't SI.

Hugs!

- AJ

[xrecoveringsoulx]

You are absolutely beautiful and I can't see why anyone wouldn't want to be around you. You seem to have a wonderful, understanding personality and never let anyone tell you otherwise.

Have you tried sticking your hand in a bucket of ice water? When I have the urges to cut again this usually helps for me and kind of snaps me out of the state I'm in, at least enough to realize that I'm going to rrregret what I'm about to do. If you've gone three weeks before, I have hope that you can do it again and last even longer. With enough discipline, maybe never again. Try snapping a rubberband on your wrist everytime you get the urges. Do the butterfly project. Anything to keep you from mutilating yourself.

I know how you feel when it seems like you just can't stop, no matter how hard you try. It's addictive, who can blame you? I have trichotillomania, and it is literally impossible for me to stop at the rate I'm at. But I know for my cutting there is more underlying control, and for me less stigma. I believe in you. you can do this.