Recovering self abuser (My story)

I am a recovering self abuser. From the age of 12-19 I was a self abuser. I started with rubbing nail files against my arms to create a burning effect then I resorted to ripping my razors apart and cutting with them. I've had incidents with knives which created my large most prominent scars. Sadly I decided to choose places where they seem to be annoyingly visible. In the state of mind I usually am when the incident occurs I really don't care where it goes. I also have used lighters to burns myself and cigs.

I did it for many different reasons. One I enjoyed myself being in pain. There are occasions where I could see myself bleeding from all my pours or the urge to scratch my body. Most of it was due to lack of love for myself. No self worth so enjoyed to torture myself. It also relaxed me extremely. Also loved the blood. But the pain turned into scars and scars turned into a burden on my life. So I figured maybe it was time to better my life and move on from this.

I've had one episode in the past 2 years. I'm completely proud of myself it was extremely hard for me to stop. I stopped drinking tryed to realize my self worth and that my body didnt deserve it. Of course I still think of it. But i'm a strong lady and it's something I don't want to come out of that certain state I was usually in while doing it. I removed the things in my life that triggered the episodes. Seemed to work though i'm terribly alone. I feel free somehow. Good luck to everyone here if anyone wants to talk about it I definitely would love to! I live everyday with the hateful eyes upon my scars that doesnt know what its like to live a day in my shoes.

Congrats, Moraganal! That sounds like a good place to be, and with regards to being lonely, that's how I felt when I first stopped. In fact, I still feel lonely but it's definitely gotten better and I'm definitely much happier than I was before... I still have problems, but I've definitely been able to see them in a new light. I hope I won't relapse anywhere in the near future, and I wish the same for you too!

- AJ

Yes, congratulations on your recovery process! Thank you for sharing your story.