[Nemo39122]

I thought I was finally getting past it. I actually thought that I might be able to stop if I tried. I moved out of my parents house, which helped. I still have the same issues but now I could actually show my emotions; I couldn't when I lived with them. I was starting to only think about the cutting when I would have to see the scars. I was starting to be almost free of the urges.

I figured out what I want to do with my life. Thanks to a few realizations by others and those drunken talks about life that people my age are prone to, I've become incredibly close with a few of my friends over the past few weeks...I can now say without a doubt that I can talk to them about anything. For several of the days since all this has happened, I've actually been happy. Something I didn't think was possible even 2 months ago.
Things are actually starting to go well. I'm at a point in my life I could only dream of in the past...

...so why won't the cutting issue go away? Why is it that I'm actually happy, and then a wave of depression just crashes over me and makes me see the exact same things in the exact opposite way? Why won't the memories go away?
I was starting to think maybe I could leave my past behind...but I can't. I never will. I was starting to think maybe I could leave cutting in that past as well...it's quickly getting back to happening nearly every day. I guess I'll never escape that either.

I don't know why I even try sometimes.

[greyclouds]

You can't change your past but you have the power to change your future.

I know exactly what your saying and totally understand. Si is an addiction, but focus on the good stuff now, in time you will get over this illness.

Stay strong and most of all stay happy sounds like things are really working well for you now, and that's great news

[Sannah]

Getting better is gradual, you start to feel better more and more and feel worse less and less. You have just explained some great changes. This is the start but it is only the beginning. You will still feel bad sometimes. It is part of the process. There is no way that you can flip a switch and always feel good and never feel bad. You will gradually feel better more and more and feel worse less and less until you are mostly feeling good. Try to not get discouraged.