SI'd Today

Yesterday, I saw my pdoc and all went well, but I hid something from her, the fact that I keep wanting to SI. Today, I cut myself because I have not done it for a while and I am at my breaking point. I am too scared to tell my parents. I can't tell my pdoc because she said that if I cut she will put me in the hospital involuntariy. I am scared to tell my therapist at my day program because she will throw me into the hospital too. I cut myself today because I have so much anxiety from looking for a job that it causes depression and I can't handle the anxiety. My parents don't understand me and want me to get a job. I have been in the hospital 2 times this year. I couldn't do college, I couldn't hold my job and my parents still want me to have a job. They don't get it until it's too late.I am also scared to tell my parents that I SI'd today. My mom thinks I am trying to be lazy about a job, but I'm not. If I didn't have the anxiety, then I wouldn't mind working. I am scared to tell anyone except for online. I just needed to get this out.

I suggest you to tell that to your parents and to go to the hospital because you need help. Also, your parents have to understand that you are sick and you need help. It is really bad of them.
Why didn't you want to go to the hospital?

I didn't want to go to the hosptal because that means that I would have to tell my parents. I am very fearful of that. I also don't want to go because it's not like I was trying to kill myself. The cuts aren't even very deep.

Why are you fearful of telling your parents? But I can understand you.
It is not like you are trying to kill yourself, but you are hurting yourself. It is a sign of need of help in my opinion.

Asking for help, especially from our parents, is very rough. Especially if we think they'll judge us or not actually help us. Sorry you're feeling forced into finding a job -- feeling anxious is perfectly normal given the circumstances!

Please talk to your pdoc or therapist. Have them there or have them talk to your parents, so you don't have to. You don't have to do this by yourself.

If the pdoc and T are using the hospital as a *threat* to make you stop SIing, then that is just wrong. They should be offering help and telling you to turn to them in the case of you SIing. Threats with a hospital and inducing fear will not help. Tell them this if you can, they are supposed to be there for *you*, and not dump you to the hospital involuntary so that they don't have to do any work.

- AJ

I will try talking to my tdoc about this. If she calls the hospital, then I will just try to walk out of her office. AJ, you are right, I should have someone I can be able to turn to, someone I can trust. I have already been in the psych ward twice this year and I really am trying to avoid it again. I don't need to be threatened, I just need help.

Please keep us posted on how you are doing?

sometimes the best route is the truth. be honest, and they might put you in for a few days, but you might get the proper help you need. I agree if hospitalization is used as a threat there is a bigger problem here.

Well, to keep you updated, I just got out of the hospital. My counselor forced me to go. I was in there for a few days. Things are better for now at least.