I think it's probably the level of stress in my life right now or something. Everything is just swirling so fast lately. Anyways, I'm not in crisis right now or anything, but I am confused by the way I'm feeling.

Ok so I have not SI in almost five years. I do struggle from time to time. Usually the depression starts weighing too heavily or my anxiety kicks in so high it needs to get out. It gets hardest to fight when this like pressure inside of me starts building up. It's kinda like being squeezed inside out and I feel like I might actually explode or something. I know the 'need' deep down, ya know.

But here lately it's been different. Between AD and some life changes I have started working towards finding myself again and learning to be happy. I have felt a lot better in general. But I have been having a lot of reoccurring SI thoughts. I've remained strong thus far and haven't acted on them. But it doesn't come with the pressure inside. There's no intense need, just really obtrusive thoughts, that turn to visual mental images. It's like I'm really considering it. I want to do it just to shut the thoughts up, but it's not accompanied by the usual self-hate.

I'm so confused. Any advice or words of comfort are greatly appreciated.

[Bipolar mom]

I have not SI-ed in almost 4 years. But I completely understand how you are feeling. I was hoping as time went on the feeling of want would subside, however I struggle almost everyday with these intense thoughts. I don't have much advise to give except keep on fighting against the urges. I know we can both fight these thoughts and not give in!

[puzzclar]

Just like your signature, everything will be okay. You're finding yourself again, and that takes time. Keep going (just keep swimming, swimming, swimming.)

Originally Posted by puzzclar

Just like your signature, everything will be okay. You're finding yourself again, and that takes time. Keep going (just keep swimming, swimming, swimming.)

OMG! Love that movie especially Dora (Ellen), freakin' hilarious. Just what I needed. Thanks guys for your support.

[Sannah]

Obtrusive thoughts are related to anxiety. You can acknowledge that they are simply obstrusive thoughts and this is all that they are. They are only thoughts, they do not control you. Don't let them squeeze you into a corner and make you feel that you are trapped because you aren't trapped. You have space and choices. If you can recognize that they are being caused by the anxiety then you might be able to feel bigger then they are.

Are you working on your anxiety?

I think this is more what I was trying to explain. It's obtrusive thoughts that I'm pretty sure is directly linked with a high anxiety situation in my life. I am working to resolve it, but I don't imagine my anxiety to get better before getting worse over the next year.

I just find it odd, rather than the usual urge and need to SI, it's merely thoughts. Loud and constant thoughts. Of course with this anxiety has come a lot of loud obtrusive thoughts. Oh why do I feel so hopeless when I'm finally gaining courage to be me...then I shrink away again to fear and loathe me.

[Sannah]

Originally Posted by Tru_Butterfly

Oh why do I feel so hopeless when I'm finally gaining courage to be me...then I shrink away again to fear and loathe me.

Reaching to finally be you is unchartered territory. This would cause anxiety. What are you doing to work on your anxiety if you don't mind me asking?