[jojocrazie]

I am untreated to hear your story if you would like to share. I am here for you all. I know I dont know you, but I have a lot of problems and have been si for 9 years. And want to hear other stories. Please?!?!?

[Miswimmy1]

I began to SI when I was 15. It was due to lack of control in my life. I had undiagnosed OCD at the time (which consumed a lot of time thinking and obsessing over little details), and also undiagnosed ADHD (so when I wasn't obsessing, I was running all over the place trying to keep up with all the tasks of daily living). It was a mess.

Then I started therapy, started working with this amazing therapist, and things are a lot easier to control. I dont SI anymore, I am doing well in school, life is a lot calmer. I suggest that you get a therapist and start treatment.

[greyclouds]

I started hitting myself and then burning at 25, I had relationship issues I think!!
I stopped. Suddenly. Well I say I stopped I went 3 months doing coke every weekend more then what my body could handle and stopped just like that.
I for sick with depression in jan and burnt my self every day pretty much. One day I just stopped. I went all the way thro to August with only one scolding and my moods started changing rapidly. I've si few times since then burning and scolding. I'm 31 now.
I'm waiting to be diagnosed for BPD. That's my story

i don't think for me their was just 1 reason that started off.

but i've been on and off since about 9

[xXSkitty KittyXx]

I have been consistently cutting since the age of 11.... I'm now 14.... I was bullied very badly and no one liked me.... also I wasn't aware of my mental problems either...

[akelaash747]

I started when I was also 11, and still struggle with it. I did it at first because iSight WANTED to. I wasnt letting things out or anything. I just loved blood and cuts. I wasn't aware I was psychotic at the time so it was very confusing. Now I do it because I have to.

[azizaAkos]

I started to hit myself at 14, then turned to taking medications to make me ill, then to self starvation then finally cutting now. I will think I have this stuff unsterile control but the truth is I don't I'm 30 yo now.
People trigger me like my old roommate, my husband, my sister, my parents as well as thoughts about the animals I have lost and miss. Certain words can trigger me as well as objects.
I was officially diagnosed with PTSD, depression, GAD, social anxiety disorder and panic disorder.

I can remember doing it as young as 5 & 6 years of age ... My teenage years were particularly intense, and this is when I became aware of what I was doing even though I still didn't understand the why ... I quit doing it sometime in my 20's ... But when I escaped that hell hole I grew up in and started working on my issues at 33.5 years of age, it returned with a vengeance ... It finally settled back down a bit in my early 40's ... However, I find I still engage in it a bit - especially when extremely stressed - and, I'm now in my 50's.

Mine stemmed directly from the physical, emotional and sexual abuse I was subjected to on a damn near daily basis from the time I was 3 years old. Many of the abuses often left injuries on my body that I would aggravate even more and not allow to heal.

For the record ... I also include eating disorders, addictive disorders, suicidal ideation (and/or attempts), and other forms of self abuse (physical / emotional / sexual / spiritual) in this category ... To me, anything we do to harm ourselves is a form of "Self Injury" ... Even though others may not necessarily agree.

[Sam2]

Originally Posted by jojocrazie

I am untreated to hear your story if you would like to share. I am here for you all. I know I dont know you, but I have a lot of problems and have been si for 9 years. And want to hear other stories. Please?!?!?

I started when I was twelve. I used to heat the heads of large nails until they were red hot and held them to my skin. At the time, I was doing that to see if I was tough enough to stand the pain. My older brother had become violent the previous year, banging on walls and making threats. Every night, he would quietly sneak to my bedroom and slowly open the door. He would just stand there, staring at me through the crack, sometimes for an hour. School wasn't going well, I was the kid that was teased and taunted. Those things probably played into it, though at the time I didn't connect the two.

I won't go into all of the problems, the the SI continued into middle age, getting worse over time. It was always when I could no longer handle stressful situations and felt trapped. At its worst, I went on a four day spree of slashing my lower legs. I would just roll up my pant leg, hold a sharp knife about three feet over my leg, look away and let my arm fall. Not just skin, but subcutaneous fat at muscle were cut. I could see the ends of vessels. I did that once every day for four days. Lost a ton of blood and still have divets in my calves.

I'm still unnerved by the degree of violence I was able to submit myself to. No hesitation marks, just one hard slash. For a while, I worried about whether or not I was losing my mind and might hurt someone else. I don't have that in me though and have since stopped worrying about it. The way I stopped was by making a solem promise to a close friend that I would never do it again. I won't cross that line and betray the trust. It was my friend who found me in the bathroom sitting on the closed toilet and watching the blood pour out of my leg and run out the bottom of the door into the hall carpet. I knew if I made that promise to my friend (long story there doesn't fit in here).I would never betray it.

Sam2

[onionknight]

Hmmm, I don't know. I used to hit my head off of walls when I was younger. I don't know the time range, really. During high school, when I was 15-18ish, I would cut or starve myself. I felt not good enough, like I needed to suffer. Also, after a while, I noticed I felt less depressed after cutting.

[Bipolar mom]

I have memories of hitting and biting myself when I was younger. Also provoking my brother so he would hit me.

I can't remember if I was 13 or 14 the first time I cut myself. Most of my teen years are hazy due to my alcohol and pill use.

I wish I knew what lead to it, many aspects. I'd cut mostly during mixed episodes I think because my thoughts would be racing yet I'd feel so numb is do anything to feel something even if it was pain.

[Ladyzero]

Not sure this is in the right place but if it reaches and helps one S.I. That would be good.
I read that to get the same 'hit' that S.I. gives without the harmful effects, there are 2 ways to satisfy the urge to injure oneself.
(1) Wear one or more tight elastic bands around your wrist. When the need to self harm, ping the band over and over again. It hurts but does not injure you.
(2) Hold a fistful of ice cubes in a tightly clenched fist and squeeze hard. Feel the hardness and coldness of the ice 'burn' your skin. Keep your fist tightly clenched as the ice melts, the burn and the ice melting is the release. If you substitute the need to see blood flowing with the resultant ice melting and flowing through your hand. This gives a visual release as well as a 'harming' release, without injury.

Hoping this may help.