[AngelWolf3]

so lately I have not been doing so well (and I agree with someone else on a different thread, can't remember who, that said it could be due to the holidays) ANYWAY...

**************** Warning:Trigger ***********************

I usually have been satisfied with just lightly cutting. Now that's not enough. I feel disappointed afterwards, like I haven't hurt myself enough. The sad part is (or maybe more properly the GOOD thing is) is that I don't think I have the cahones to do worse, even though I want to hurt myself worse. Make sense? Probly not. But it drives me crazy because I feel like I am failing everywhere in life (literally I have failed quite a bit in life) so I guess it's kinda Par for the Course that I should not be "good enough" at cutting too. I just am messed up.

Don't know if I want to stop, but don't know if I can push that much farther, either.

Bleck.

Sorry I am whiny today. I know I should be thankful this time of the year....so I am sorry for posting this.......

[Miswimmy1]

I get it. It's messed up, the logic we hve sometimes, but... What can we do...

Don't have any great words of wisdom. Except that I hate the holidays too and I totally get ya on that.

[greyclouds]

I get that you don't feel brave enough for more but normal methods are not getting you to the place you want.

How ever I don't want you to be in this situation full stop and wish right now I could take it away from you.
I hope that some one has some really great advice for you so that you don't hurt,
I'm sorry it's not me ((hugs))

[azizaAkos]

I understand too I feel the same way many days. Hugs

It's good that you don't have "the cahones to do worse." I know you feel messed up right now, but you can use your ambivalence to protect yourself from further self harm. You seem to understand it would be a huge risk to cut deeper. Once you go deeper, you can't get rid of the scars. It can also lead to a severe cutting addiction.

I would try not to view cutting as a success, especially since it signifies pain, lack of control and (possibly) addiction.

This time of year is difficult.

[Wren_]

makes a lot of sense ....
i think this is one thing it's a really good thing you are failing being good at
i do understand the thinking though, could you find a way to say something back to that line of thinking like saying ........ like saying you succeeded at failing? twist the logic back on itself somehow?