[Angelornot]

so tonight I wore a skirt to church. I had cuts on my legs, but so what? I've worn skirts with cuts before. people have seen it, and said nothing. but tonight I got a ride from my youth leader, and she asked me about it... and now I have to "talk" to her and my youth pastor tomorrow... I agreed so she wouldn't tell my parents, but I feel like I signed my death warrant. I just know it's gonna be such an awkward conversation tomorrow... I'm so scared I dunno what to expect really.
I should have worn skinny jeans. can't go wrong with skinny jeans...

[mazing]

So sorry to hear you were confronted like that. I know it is scary but I am sure they only want to help

The thing I have found is to always be prepared ahead if you can. Think of some of the questions they might ask (why, how, when, are you suicidal) and prepare your answers for them. You are also able to say you aren't comfortable with answering those questions but will talk about them when you are ready. Most people are curious and want to check you are ok, but if they believe you are ok and acknowledge what's happening they often back off

Good luck

[Sannah]

This might be a good thing? Please let us know how it goes?

[Angelornot]

I'm so nervous I can't eat or sleep.. I woke up in the middle of night and couldn't sleep for two hours because I was nervous. and I only had one meal yesterday and I still can't eat today...

[Sannah]

Frequently our anticipation of events is much worse than what actually happens.

[Angelornot]

Ik, idek why I'm so nervous about it. I just can't help it

[Sannah]

It makes perfect sense why you are nervous about it. Most people in your situation would be nervous.

[Angelornot]

I agreed to talk with her because I didn't want her to tell my parents 'cause I didn't want to talk to them and i'm not so sure it's worth it now. but it's too late to change my mind... 45 minutes...

[Angelornot]

okay that was just as horrible as I thought it would be...

[littlemssunshine]

What happened?? Remember, all things are temporary. This may seem huge now, but it will pass.

[JayneDough!]

Originally Posted by Angelornot

okay that was just as horrible as I thought it would be...

Did they pull the whole "your under satanic attack" bit? That's what happened to me. Whatever happens remember that they need to respect your personal boundaries, don't let yourself get bullied.

[Angelornot]

aww I'm sorry Jayne. they didn't do that, they just asked a bunch of questions and kept saying they just wanted to make sure I was "safe". I was just so uncomfortable and freaked out I couldn't answer their questions. I feel bad about it now. I know they're only trying to help...

I'm sorry that the talk didn't go so well,
It sounds like they were trying to help, but it must have still been very distressing.

[Angelornot]

It was the two of them and they start off just telling me to tell them about it and I had no idea what to say... Then they asked me questions and I'd give one word answers or say I don't know and finally they ended up preaching at me. Idk why but the whole thing was terrifying.

[Sannah]

On your other thread you said that you don't like to express yourself to others. This is something that has to be learned.

[Angelornot]

Originally Posted by Sannah

This is something that has to be learned.

but how?

[ickydog2006]

I'm sorry you had to go through this. I had to go through the same thing and it is always terrifying. My youth leader was okay through it, but I know it was hard, what was worse is she was the one forced into telling me that someone else was going to tell my parents if I didn't (apparently that person was to chicken to confront me themselves, and also never talked to me again about it). My youth leader went with me to talk to my parents, who were upset but didn't start screaming at me like I expected them to. I've been preached at by quite a few church leaders. I can understand, since I know what I was doing was wrong and that God didn't want me to do it, but that didn't make it any easier to quit. I felt so guilty once when a pastor was on the phone with me once and I just couldn't stop myself. I had promised I wouldn't go deep. You can guess how well that went. I've been clean for seven years, but I still have a lot of issues with the shame I feel for still wanting it. You may want to let them know, that you are glad they care about you, but hope that they can continue to look at you the way they once did, before they found out. Some church leaders have done really good with that. Other, not so much. That's what I always worry about when Christians find out about my mental health issues. Some can never look at you the same way again. I don't say that to scare you. I say that to remind you that it has nothing to do with you, and everything to do with them. For a lot of them, it's not even their fault, many have never come across this stuff before and have no idea how to approach the subject. You could look up some websites or blogs or youtube clips that explain how you feel or why you do it, and direct them to those. They feel just as confused and lost as you do. Try not to be too hard on them.

[Sannah]

Originally Posted by Angelornot

but how?

By practicing and trying.

[Angelornot]

Originally Posted by ickydog2006

I'm sorry you had to go through this. I had to go through the same thing and it is always terrifying. My youth leader was okay through it, but I know it was hard, what was worse is she was the one forced into telling me that someone else was going to tell my parents if I didn't (apparently that person was to chicken to confront me themselves, and also never talked to me again about it). My youth leader went with me to talk to my parents, who were upset but didn't start screaming at me like I expected them to. I've been preached at by quite a few church leaders. I can understand, since I know what I was doing was wrong and that God didn't want me to do it, but that didn't make it any easier to quit. I felt so guilty once when a pastor was on the phone with me once and I just couldn't stop myself. I had promised I wouldn't go deep. You can guess how well that went. I've been clean for seven years, but I still have a lot of issues with the shame I feel for still wanting it. You may want to let them know, that you are glad they care about you, but hope that they can continue to look at you the way they once did, before they found out. Some church leaders have done really good with that. Other, not so much. That's what I always worry about when Christians find out about my mental health issues. Some can never look at you the same way again. I don't say that to scare you. I say that to remind you that it has nothing to do with you, and everything to do with them. For a lot of them, it's not even their fault, many have never come across this stuff before and have no idea how to approach the subject. You could look up some websites or blogs or youtube clips that explain how you feel or why you do it, and direct them to those. They feel just as confused and lost as you do. Try not to be too hard on them.

thank you so much. I feel so much better knowing someone else has been through this.
I'm not mad at them in the slightest. I'm actually really grateful that they seem to care about me. I was just so shocked that someone actually mentioned it to me after months of everyone ignoring it, and so freaked out about having to talk about it that I made it seem all bad. yes, it was scary... but I think this could be a good thing. it's certainly motivated me not to cut. at least for now, I'm afraid of letting her down.
my youth leader has handled this much better than me, and better than I expected anyone to, also. IDK if she looks at me differently, but she doesn't seem to, except that she's a bit more concerned about me.