[Sigster66]

My daughter suffers from major depressive disorder, OCD a has experimented in the past with minor self injury. Over the holiday she made horizontal cuts on her arms from shoulder to wrist about 1 inch apart and some on one leg. I found it the other night and took her to the ER. She is currently in the adolescent ward inpatient. It is a nightmare as a parent who loves their kid deeply. I want her to find inspiration to live and fight her depression be it God or whatever. I also want her to reach out to a therapist or someone to learn to express her pain in other ways. She is almost 16 and not letting me in as a support because she is at that rebel from parents age. Any help would be appreciated.

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[Miss Laura]

Hey there Sigster66,

All I can say is just let your Daughter know you are there for her. She needs to know your there for her and your not going anywhere and that you love her!

[Doingmybest]

I am so sorry you are experiencing this...as a mother I hope my children do not fall into depression and SI as I did. all you can do is give her love and support, it might not always be easy but understand that most times the urge is so overwhelming she can't control it.. talk to her about alternatives and let her know she can come to you when she feel she is losing self control. I wish my mother was as understanding as you are...when my mom discovered my cuts she beat the crap out of me I know now she was scared and reacted in the only way she knew how but it didn't help. I started cutting at twelve and sought help at 16 I stopped cutting at 18 and just recently gave in to the urge again at 24...I'm currently seeking help....let her know of this forum and encourage therapy but don't push it.. you want her to feel that she can trust you. However if you believe her life is at risk, maybe she is cutting to close to major veins then do what you have to do as a parent.
Feel free to message me if you ever need to talk or vent... we are all here to listen and support each other.

[Harley47]

Doingmybest gave a fantastic post, as did Miss Laura. The key here is letting her know that you're there for her, and that you're not going anywhere, and that you're here no matter what if she needs you. The key is getting her to believe that...I'm 19, and I remember well that little phase of "I'm 16, thus I'm right" fairly well. The trick is making her truly believe that you're there...that doesn't mean she doubts that fact or has reason to think you wouldn't be...it's just a factor of the age.

Please know you're both in my prayers, and I wish you all the best.

Hugs,
Harley

[kaliope]

there is a book you can get used on amazon for 1.29 called the scarred soul by tracy alderman. it is a simple nonthreatening workbook for dealing with self inflicted violence. a chapter that ends with questions that you journal to help understand why you are doing what you are doing. it never asks you to stop until nearly the end of the book and that is what i liked about it because cutting was comforting to me. i quit doing the work at that chapter becuase i wasnt ready to commit but i didnt cut again for five years. there is a chapter for helping parents understand why as well. reading the book could help you understand your daughter better and maybe help her. if you want to talk, feel free to pm me.

[Silent_Tears_17]

I am 17. Diagnosed cycothymic (a long term depression a little less severe than MDD), Bulimia, self-injury and ADD.
Started cutting when I was 13. I really think you did the right thing. My parents just blew it off as a ploy for attention and even as I begged teachers, and my parents, and counselors, and parents friends to help me I receieved almost no support. Im at college now and Im still trying to fight to get the help I need, and my parents still make it difficult... but the lonliness i felt and feel because of their distance has really made it worse. Your daughter may be mad at you now but she knows you want to help her. She knows you are scared and care and love her. And if I had my mothers love it would mean the world to me, and I think I could do anything.
Good luck I will pray for you and your daughter

[tomboy2011]

there is another workbook http://www.amazon.com/Stopping-Pain-...s+for+selfharm i have this book -btw i just turned 16- and this book and all of the ones by the same people are good for teens i have OCD to and one of the reasons i selfharm is becouse i feel out of control with it and i want to contorl somthing and that is my pain if u want to pm me u can or if u have somthing to ask me

[ickydog2006]

Is she being treated for the OCD. I remember one of my favorite things about cutting was that it stopped the panic attacks when I was trying to not give in to the rituals and ones from panic disorder. Hopefully you can hook her up with a therapist that can teach her other coping mechanisms (she probably will be more responsive to advice that comes from a T rather than mom). Also, definitely consider medication, as the other issues may make it way to overwhelming when it comes to quiting si.

[Moraganal]

You cannot help the actions just be there for her. My parents always just made things worse. I need to get it out of my system. Teaching her whats right and wrong is the only thing you can do. Forcing her changing nothing for her.

[Sigster66]

Originally Posted by Silent_Tears_17

I am 17. Diagnosed cycothymic (a long term depression a little less severe than MDD), Bulimia, self-injury and ADD.
Started cutting when I was 13. I really think you did the right thing. My parents just blew it off as a ploy for attention and even as I begged teachers, and my parents, and counselors, and parents friends to help me I receieved almost no support. Im at college now and Im still trying to fight to get the help I need, and my parents still make it difficult... but the lonliness i felt and feel because of their distance has really made it worse. Your daughter may be mad at you now but she knows you want to help her. She knows you are scared and care and love her. And if I had my mothers love it would mean the world to me, and I think I could do anything.
Good luck I will pray for you and your daughter

Thanks for your input and everyone else's. I have been doing as much research as I can on SI and keep telling her how much I love her. She said the last incident started with overwhelming anxiety and fortunately they are starting an anxiety med this hospitalization. I visited her in the hospital today and she is more child like and more accepting of my love. She said she was sorry and I said I just want her to feel better. I told her even if it's 1AM she can wake me up if she gets urges to cut and we can try anything to help them pass. A trip to Barnes & Nobles to drink tea and read like she loves or whatever. I am actually her dad and most people assume I must be her mom. Mom has been out of the picture since she was 6 months old and she is my little angel no matter how old she grows. I have devoted my life to her since the first day I held her in the maternity ward. I am remarried and she has had a step mom since age 4 but I will always be the primary caretaker in her life. She is almost the age of consent and we have been arguing over boys. I am letting her date as long as they are supervised but she wants to have sex with her boyfriend. I had to cool it off for a while because they were pushing the limits and I don't want a pregunate 16 year old to top it all off. I know the sex thing is a losing battle as she ages and I can't keep her locked in an ivory tower. I think my dating rules were not too strict for a 15 year old. That's the only stress we have between us right now.

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[Doingmybest]

siGster! I thought I read sister well all that matters is that she has a parent in her life that loves her and wants her to be well...your rules are very appropriate for her age. Continue doing what you are doing she will greatly appreciate it, if not now in time...

[xXSkitty KittyXx]

I wish my parents were as understanding and helpful as you!!! Mine haven't even taken me to a psychiatrist!!!! I'm pretty sure I have schizoaffective bipolar disorder and ADD, also maybe depression..... but I started cutting at the age of 11 and have done it for 5 years..... I'm glad you are taking action and seeking help for your daughter good job!!! I would do the same for mine, well if I had one lol

[Silent_Tears_17]

Thats really great. My Dad is here but really out of the picture. He works a lot and is so loving and supportive but wouldnt dare cross my Mom... I think what you are doing is perfect even on the dating thing. I really wish I had a parent like you and I know I speak for a lot of us here when I say that.

[firefighter369]

im 18 who recently stopped SI. but I tried turning to my parents for help but all they did was threaten to send me to the hospital for a week again. all I can say is don't do that, if she comes to you about her self harm don't force her to the hospital that will ruin her trust as it did mine. all you can do is be their for her and show her that you will always be their. take her to the movies spend time with her. do what you need to get her trust so she can tell you what bothering her

[Sigster66]

Originally Posted by firefighter369

im 18 who recently stopped SI. but I tried turning to my parents for help but all they did was threaten to send me to the hospital for a week again. all I can say is don't do that, if she comes to you about her self harm don't force her to the hospital that will ruin her trust as it did mine. all you can do is be their for her and show her that you will always be their. take her to the movies spend time with her. do what you need to get her trust so she can tell you what bothering her

I did not want to hospitalize her but the cutting was too bad. Had it been just one area and wouldn't have. It was both arms from shoulder to wrist with cuts about 1 inch apart and part of a leg. Your right it blew some trust but if they saw that at her high school and I had done nothing I would be arrested for child neglect. She says she can't stop for herself now she has to stop to stay out of the hospital. Either way it shows she may have the capacity to stop for whatever reason. Fear of inpatient unit is one of the reasons I started taking my meds in the first place when I was in my 20s. It's not necessarily a bad motivator. Her therapist or doctor would have done the same thing. If she cuts a little in the future I will try to handle it outpatient but if it's half her body there is not much I can do. Hospitalization is a natural consequence of that.

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[nicoleb2]

Originally Posted by Sigster66

I did not want to hospitalize her but the cutting was too bad. Had it been just one area and wouldn't have. It was both arms from shoulder to wrist with cuts about 1 inch apart and part of a leg. Your right it blew some trust but if they saw that at her high school and I had done nothing I would be arrested for child neglect. She says she can't stop for herself now she has to stop to stay out of the hospital. Either way it shows she may have the capacity to stop for whatever reason. Fear of inpatient unit is one of the reasons I started taking my meds in the first place when I was in my 20s. It's not necessarily a bad motivator. Her therapist or doctor would have done the same thing. If she cuts a little in the future I will try to handle it outpatient but if it's half her body there is not much I can do. Hospitalization is a natural consequence of that.

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Hospitalization sucks, thats for sure. You may lose some of her trust right now, but some day, she will come to realize how much you love her and thats why you did.

[Silent_Tears_17]

Originally Posted by Sigster66

I did not want to hospitalize her but the cutting was too bad. Had it been just one area and wouldn't have. It was both arms from shoulder to wrist with cuts about 1 inch apart and part of a leg. Your right it blew some trust but if they saw that at her high school and I had done nothing I would be arrested for child neglect. She says she can't stop for herself now she has to stop to stay out of the hospital. Either way it shows she may have the capacity to stop for whatever reason. Fear of inpatient unit is one of the reasons I started taking my meds in the first place when I was in my 20s. It's not necessarily a bad motivator. Her therapist or doctor would have done the same thing. If she cuts a little in the future I will try to handle it outpatient but if it's half her body there is not much I can do. Hospitalization is a natural consequence of that.

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I defianetly agree. Its a hard decision but it needed to be done.

[firefighter369]

Originally Posted by Sigster66

I did not want to hospitalize her but the cutting was too bad. Had it been just one area and wouldn't have. It was both arms from shoulder to wrist with cuts about 1 inch apart and part of a leg. Your right it blew some trust but if they saw that at her high school and I had done nothing I would be arrested for child neglect. She says she can't stop for herself now she has to stop to stay out of the hospital. Either way it shows she may have the capacity to stop for whatever reason. Fear of inpatient unit is one of the reasons I started taking my meds in the first place when I was in my 20s. It's not necessarily a bad motivator. Her therapist or doctor would have done the same thing. If she cuts a little in the future I will try to handle it outpatient but if it's half her body there is not much I can do. Hospitalization is a natural consequence of that.

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and you are right about the hospital and the child neglect but like I said show her your their for her no matter what and show her that she is loved

[Sigster66]

Originally Posted by firefighter369

and you are right about the hospital and the child neglect but like I said show her your their for her no matter what and show her that she is loved

I do for sure! She is out of the hospital now. We had a sex talk and she said thanks afterwards. Wow not what you expect her hear. I am not fighting her on it anymore. I told her she is going to make up her own mind when she decides to have sex and I just gave her info on birth control types and effectiveness. I also told her to be careful and make sure it's someone she loves the first time because we naturally get attached emotionally and spiritually when we have sex especially the first time. I told her it's not permission from me but I will take her to the doctor so she can get birth control because I want her protected.

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[Mike_J]

It might be worth looking into any teen support groups in your area. I have a friend who runs one where I live. It's not something that you should force on your daughter but if she would be willing and there was one in your area it might be helpful.

Teens can relate to other teens much better than us adults.

[grey_aj]

I also just recently turned 16. As someone with a *very* judgmental mother (and father, but especially mother) who knows/ knew nothing about my SI, you are doing great. I wish I had someone to turn to when I needed it (luckily this forum helped a bunch!). You're doing really well-- just take it slow, be gentle, keep going with what you're doing, and don't lose patience. You seem like a really awesome dad

- AJ

[Sigster66]

Originally Posted by ajbpdljhsk

I also just recently turned 16. As someone with a *very* judgmental mother (and father, but especially mother) who knows/ knew nothing about my SI, you are doing great. I wish I had someone to turn to when I needed it (luckily this forum helped a bunch!). You're doing really well-- just take it slow, be gentle, keep going with what you're doing, and don't lose patience. You seem like a really awesome dad

- AJ

Thanks
She has cut a little since getting out of the hospital but I did not react and make a big deal of it. She is trying her best. Of course I want her to stop completely but I know it's hard and takes time. I got her that teen cutting workbook recommended in the thread and hope she uses it for self help.

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