[Indie'sOK]

I cut with a blade tonight for the first time in months. Last night I just made scratches and barely drew blood, but tonight was different...tonight it felt so good to feel the coolness of the blood running down my skin. It was so nice not to have to act so violently to get the same effect. It reminded me why I was so very addicted to it for so long, even when I didn't want to admit it to myself. I'm still very scared to do it like I used to, though, ever since I went to the hospital last year after one deep cut.

My cutting is sporadic, and I never really know what feeling brings it on. Just bad feelings overall, I guess. Bad news, a blow to my self-esteem, feeling worthless...they all contribute. I don't want to get into the specific reasons for my recent SI though.

I see T on Tuesday. I haven't seen her since August 23rd and I am very much in need of her support. How do I go about talking about this when the subject of SI hasn't been brought up in so long?

[Sannah]

How about focusing on your feelings instead? This is really what needs to be worked on, how to deal with your feelings and deal with the situations which are causing the feelings and the beliefs about yourself which cause the feelings.

[GirlOfManyFaces]

I agree. When you think about the root of the difficulty it's easier to stop. If you want to bring up the subject. Just start talking about how to control your emotions and once you control them figuring out what to do with them. Or you could just flat out say "old feelings resurfaced with bad results." Or just say "I cut" whatever works for you