I'm not sure I would call it a victory but...

Dude, it's a therapist who is going to help you out of this mess. That's what everyone here is trying to do, pretty much. I mean, we're not rocket scientists! My best advice would be to consider your audience. Ie your parents. You're not going to change them, I think you figured that out by now. I just tried to have as little interaction with mine as possible growing up. They just messed things up. Seriously. They didn't mind. They ignored me too.they couldn't deal.

I know what I need and how to help myself. I know who will help me.
But at the same time I am lost and have no idea what I need. It weird you you can feel two totally opposite things at the same time and still not pick the right one.

It's so annoying to live ya know...

My first serious long term T said that that was a key to getting better, being able to hold two contrasting or conflIctIng thoughts in your mind at the same time. I guess because as one side gets weaker the better side gets stronger? Idk I never questioned it or got that far with her, unfortunately. That's my guess now.

I totally agree, that it's so annoying to live....