[northpole1]

i recently (like a week ago) told 2 of my best friends about my si(theyre the only people that know) , but it was via phone, and after seeing them i found that i couldnt talk to them about it in person, i dont really know why, i just really didnt want to, i felt llike it was none of their business. I know that theyve been talking to eachother about me, and i feel like theyre working against me or something and i sort of feel more alone than ever and have been contemplating just telling them that ive stopped but keep going so they can just sort of leave me alone. It's weird cause theyve been my best friends for about 8 years but right now i just want them to shut up and leave me alone. i don't really know whats going on in my head but thats just how i feel i guess?

[Sam2]

[quote=northpole1;2921939]i recently (like a week ago) told 2 of my best friends about my si(theyre the only people that know) , but it was via phone, and after seeing them i found that i couldnt talk to them about it in person, i dont really know why, i just really didnt want to, i felt llike it was none of their business. I know that theyve been talking to eachother about me, and i feel like theyre working against me or something and i sort of feel more alone than ever and have been contemplating just telling them that ive stopped but keep going so they can just sort of leave me alone. It's weird cause theyve been my best friends for about 8 years but right now i just want them to shut up and leave me alone. i don't really know whats going on in my head but thats just how i feel i guess?[/quote

Northpole,
when you talk to someone on the phone, or send e-mails for that matter, it is a lot easier to "give up" information that you might not otherwise have given. Its the same idea as riding in a car at night with a friend. Its dark, neither of you can see the other, and you wind up telling them things that make you mad at yourself in the morning.

Since you have already told them, you can only work with it from this point on. They may be afraid that they are going to lose their friend to suicide or accidentally cutting too deep. Especially if they aren't familiar with SI.

When I a little older than highschool, I had a friend with some problems. She worked as a nighttime janitor in a small school, and I stopped in to see her one night. She had me go to the janitor's closet with me and without a word, handed me an electric kitchen knife in a box. I knew her well enough to know that she had taken it there to commit suicide. I had no idea what to do with that information. she may have given it to me hoping I would tell someone who would help her, or maybe she just wanted me to take it away. In the end, I kept my mouth shut, thinking that telling someone would be a betrayal of trust. Fortunately, she didn't kill herself.

The point is, you have given your friends some information about you causing yourself injury. They probably don't know how to help or if you want help. I'm sure they do talk about it amongst themselves because they just don't know what to do. If you are uncomfortable with them talking to you about it, be straightforward. Tell them that its something that you really don't want to talk about. That you thought it might make you feel better, but now know it doesn't. Also, tell them that you are in no danger of committing suicide, (unless you are).

All that aside, you do need help no matter how safe you think SI is, its not, and the sooner you can find a good therapist, the sooner you can stop hurting yourself. There is a reason why you are harming yourself. Maybe you know why and maybe you don't, but either way, it won't help you cope in the long run, and the scars that you think won't bother you now, will later. Something is making you feel so unhappy that you turn to cutting yourself to stop the feeling. If you are able to talk to your parents, let them know what is going on so that they can help you find a therapist. If you think they will have trouble with it, talk to your school counsellor and maybe the both of you can approach your parents with this. You have too much good life ahead of you to waste it.

Sam2

[northpole1]

[QUOTE=Sam2;2921976]

Originally Posted by northpole1

i recently (like a week ago) told 2 of my best friends about my si(theyre the only people that know) , but it was via phone, and after seeing them i found that i couldnt talk to them about it in person, i dont really know why, i just really didnt want to, i felt llike it was none of their business. I know that theyve been talking to eachother about me, and i feel like theyre working against me or something and i sort of feel more alone than ever and have been contemplating just telling them that ive stopped but keep going so they can just sort of leave me alone. It's weird cause theyve been my best friends for about 8 years but right now i just want them to shut up and leave me alone. i don't really know whats going on in my head but thats just how i feel i guess?[/quote

Northpole,
when you talk to someone on the phone, or send e-mails for that matter, it is a lot easier to "give up" information that you might not otherwise have given. Its the same idea as riding in a car at night with a friend. Its dark, neither of you can see the other, and you wind up telling them things that make you mad at yourself in the morning.

Since you have already told them, you can only work with it from this point on. They may be afraid that they are going to lose their friend to suicide or accidentally cutting too deep. Especially if they aren't familiar with SI.

When I a little older than highschool, I had a friend with some problems. She worked as a nighttime janitor in a small school, and I stopped in to see her one night. She had me go to the janitor's closet with me and without a word, handed me an electric kitchen knife in a box. I knew her well enough to know that she had taken it there to commit suicide. I had no idea what to do with that information. she may have given it to me hoping I would tell someone who would help her, or maybe she just wanted me to take it away. In the end, I kept my mouth shut, thinking that telling someone would be a betrayal of trust. Fortunately, she didn't kill herself.

The point is, you have given your friends some information about you causing yourself injury. They probably don't know how to help or if you want help. I'm sure they do talk about it amongst themselves because they just don't know what to do. If you are uncomfortable with them talking to you about it, be straightforward. Tell them that its something that you really don't want to talk about. That you thought it might make you feel better, but now know it doesn't. Also, tell them that you are in no danger of committing suicide, (unless you are).

All that aside, you do need help no matter how safe you think SI is, its not, and the sooner you can find a good therapist, the sooner you can stop hurting yourself. There is a reason why you are harming yourself. Maybe you know why and maybe you don't, but either way, it won't help you cope in the long run, and the scars that you think won't bother you now, will later. Something is making you feel so unhappy that you turn to cutting yourself to stop the feeling. If you are able to talk to your parents, let them know what is going on so that they can help you find a therapist. If you think they will have trouble with it, talk to your school counsellor and maybe the both of you can approach your parents with this. You have too much good life ahead of you to waste it.

Sam2

Thank you, i didnt realise that i didnt have to talk to them about it if it makes me uncomfortable, i just thought that i have to do it now because i've told them and i have to get it over with. It just makes me feel weird talking about it with them, because usually i feel alright in the day with friends at school, when they are there, and i only really si when i'm alone at home in my room so i guess i dont associate them with me having a problem and talking about it because then my whole life would be taken over by it and i dont really want that, i want to be able to control it myself and not involve others, at least for the moment because its a massive burden for them too (which i didnt realise before) and not just me.