[Patoman04]

I had a Freeski BigAir competition today. I won, but at a serious cost. It was about a 50-60' gap jump and while doing a practice run, I bailed mid-air. I fell 20' onto ice and suffered some bad back injuries. Well, whenever I ski like this, I have an unhealthy amount of adrenaline and manic moods, so what did I do? I kept going... On my fourth practice attempt, I cleared the jump, but fell after I couldnt rotate around far enough, injuring my back even worse. It was at the point where I should have been carted off, but I kept going. After 6 attempts, I finally nailed the jump (while in a ton of pain) pulling off a trick good enough to win the competition. I came home and after my mania settled down, I couldnt move. My back is messed up and I'm probably going into the hospital soon Am I doing too much to myself? Is it wrong to let myself suffer like this just to win? I'm the most competitive person I know and now its come back to bite me...

[volatile]

I doubt that's considered SI. You did do it to yourself but it was while you were in the moment focused on something else, you weren't purposely doing those things to hurt yourself you were just trying to win. Being so reckless is a bad thing and you said you become manic so it might have everything to do with that. Maybe you should figure out a way to keep yourself in the zone but not get lost in it and the adrenaline, like some kind of grounding technique or meditation.

[Sam2]

Ask yourself this, "Did I enjoy the pain?"
"Did I keep going so that the injury would get worse?"
"Would I try a stunt for the sole purpose of injuring myself?"

If you answer yes to those, then yes, you probably do have a SI problem, but my guess is that you will answer no. There is some difference between pushing beyond your boundries at the expense of an injury so that you can excel at your sport and purposely injuring yourself. I can't say that continuing to push after you have suffered an injury is a good idea, but most extreme sport athletes have a history of breaks, lacerations etc. Keep in mind though, that if you injure yourself and keep going, you run the risk of permanent damage that will lead to having to give up the sport you love. Make sure you take all the precautions available to protect your body when you are doing stunts.

I'll end it here as I'm starting to sound like a parent.

Sam2

[Permanent Pajamas]

Sounds like self-abuse to me, but then I never did understand athletes.

[Patoman04]

Well I went in today and found out I have a fractured vertebrae. Doc said if I had gone anymore than I did, it would have probably come close to a serious break. I'm out for at least 2 months which means my season is probably over. The thing is, I dont care about the injury. I'm not sure I'd go so far to say that I purposely did it, but I guess I'm glad it happened because it motivated me to win the competition. I still have to temptation to go out and prove myself on my bad back atm. I want to do something stupid just to prove I can. It'll probably give me permanent damage so I'm really hoping I dont act on these temptations this time...

[Silent_Tears_17]

I would maybe consider it SI because I used to do that with my ankle. I also cut and burn but I used to push myself in sports until I couldn't even walk off the field... II liked the pain and its much more socially acceptable than cutting... I would suggest seeing a counselor.

[Sannah]

Patoman, I seriously hope that you stay off your skis until your injury heals. You'll really regret being paralyzed. Keep us posted on how you are doing?

Do you feel that this sport treats your psychiatric symptoms? Do you have a therapist?