[Kate King]

I recently started mentoring a 9th grade girl who cuts and ODs. I myself have never done either, but I used to pick and I had a life-threatening eating disorder and have attempted suicide. I was also the victim of childhood sexual abuse. I have since turned my life around, although I still struggle, as everyone does.

I completely understand what she is saying and how she feels, but since I have never tried cutting or drugs, I am not sure if there is anything I need to know in order to best guide her towards recovery. She is eager to learn and truly wants to get help. She is going to therapy as I have encouraged her to do, but she is looking to me as a mentor. I feel privileged and find it amazing how I can use my past mistakes and demons to help others. I am currently researching cutting to learn more about it, but I wanted to post to see if anyone could help me better reach her where SHE is, not just applying the similar struggles that I have had. IDK if that makes sense??

Thank you!!!

[ThisWayOut]

wow. that's awesome! I wish I had something constructive to say... Her pain is just being channeled in different ways than yours was... I think the important thing to remember is that she is doing it to help her through something... both can be like addictions... they are difficult to stop and cravings can come back...
a good source of info online is selfijury.org... there are others, but I can't think of them off the top of my head.
Good luck. I'm sure others will be of more help.

[smmath]

thank you sooo much for being there for her. believe me, it means the world to her. i myself am a teen who has developed a mentor like relationship with my former teacher. he knows i cut and has always been open to talking about it and any other issue i have had. he is and has been the best person in my life.

some of the things he did that helped me was he always listened to me. when i brought up the issue of self-injury, he didn't freak out or tell me not to do it. i was able to vent to him without fear of him telling ANYONE, including my parents. he asked me why i did it and opened up a safe conversation about it.

even beyond the issue of SI, i found it helpful that he let me vent to him and made me feel safe to tell him anything. he also shared things from his past and from his life with me, which made the relationship more equal.

i hope this helps some!

[grey_aj]

Just last week I found a friend for the first time who understood me and didn't judge me for anything. Simply just BEING there is EVERYTHING and I'm sure she's very thankful for that. Everyone just wants someone to be there for them, and it seems like you're doing a good job. Maybe rather than researching you two could talk more so that you could get a better idea of how to help her. Congrats on being a great friend!

- AJ

[Kate King]

thanks guys, that helps a lot. I just want her to know beyond a shadow of a doubt that she IS somebody special, that she is loved no matter what. I hope I can use my story to help her, but I agree with you all that the most important thing is for her to feel safe to unload her thoughts and feelings. If you think of anything else, please share! It means a lot to me that you would take the time to respond- thanks!

[Sam2]

Having both been a long term cutter and had a near death OD, I can tell you a little bit, but don't know if it is the same for her.

When I was 19, (I'm forty nine now), I purposely overdosed on an asthma medication. By the time the cops were called, they had to break in the door to get me. Because of that one bad decision, I now have heart palpatations. It skips beats, even at rest, and at times the skip is long enough to cause pain and panic. Your friend needs to know that suicide attempts are not limited to "it works" or "it doesn't" with no in between. Sometimes you are left with problems that are worse than you originally OD'd for.

Self harm is just as bad. No matter how careful she is, the chance of hitting an artery or cutting a nerve or tendon is still there. Its not a matter of being careful. Cutting has a tendency to get worse over time if the underlying cause is not found and corrected. Every time a person cuts, their body releases endorphins, which are the body's own natural "high". That is one reason why the person feels better for a while afterwards. Over time, the body starts to build a tolerance to the endorphins and it takes deeper or more frequent cuts to acheive the same "relief". In essence, she is addicted. Two years ago, I went on a four day binge of cutting, the last of which nearly killed me. Up til then, the cuts had been bad but not life threatening. This time I went through skin, subcutaneous tissue and muscle. I also cut a vessel, all in my calf, so it was a pretty deep gash. I wasn't trying to kill myself, but had my friend not seen blood running out from under the bathroom door, I would have sat there stupidly watching myself bleed to death. As it is, there is permanent nerve damage, some painful and some numb areas.

Its great that you are there for her. If ever teen in trouble had someone willing to work with them, there would probably be less successful suicides. Don't worry about scaring her. She should be scared. Once you lose the use of a hand, arm or leg, its gone and she will have the rest of her life changed forever because she made a wrong decision. Both of her problems are serious, as you know, but she is young enough to have that invincible attitude and denial that anything truly bad could really happen as a result of her behavior.

Good luck and keep us informed on how she is doing.

Sam2