[AngelWolf3]

So I haven't SI'd in 21 days. Last night, I was carrying a knife from the dining room to the kitchen to put in the sink, and for some reason, I had it palmed, you know, so the blade part is up against the skin of your forearm?
It felt SO good. With a great feat of willpower and strength I didn't do anything, but why would I derive such great pleasure from feeling that? I mean, I was walking thinking, I could just press down and do this while people are in the room and no one would notice. But I didn't. So YAY. But I still feel guilty for thinking these thoughts, I guess that's why I am just getting it out in hopes it stays out.

I hope I didn't make anyone mad with this post.

[tinyrabbit]

I would focus on the fact that you didn't do anything. That's really, really good!

[AngelWolf3]

good point. I came back to delete this cause I felt silly for posting...but I will keep it up to remind me the good from last night...thank you tinyrabbit.

[tinyrabbit]

It's not silly. You felt your way to the edge, and came back. That's really good, and it was good that you posted. No deleting

[beautifulfreak]

I agree with tinyrabbit. Try to validate yourself, for this is something positive.

[Sannah]

Originally Posted by AngelWolf3

I still feel guilty for thinking these thoughts,

You should be proud that you controlled your actions! This is a great acheivement! You are having these thoughts for reasons. Being able to allow thoughts and feelings and not acting on them is a big, big deal! You can't control your thoughts or feelings but you can control your actions. With thoughts and feelings that you don't like, all you can do is work with why you are having them.